[She hums and takes another sandwich for herself, settling in for the story. If they've been partners for so long, have they considered... being nice to each other...]
You told me he walks on the ceiling, but that's about it.
(no chuuya can die on a ditch and chuuya is responsible for many contusions on dazai thanks but no thanks)
Ah, yes. 'Upon the Tainted Sorrow'. He manipulates gravity, and for specifics on what I'm going to say, it's up to him to tell, but if he overdoes it, he for sure will die, you know. He needs me to touch him if that happens. It's always been me strategizing, and Chuuya being the muscle, so. It's an awful, disgusting prank of fate.
(he's not telling her that out of a need to share. he doesn't know this place. he doesn't know if anything could mess with their abilities, if it could bring 'corruption' out of chuuya against his will. it's a matter of prevention, a gazillion plans in his mind for each contingency plan.)
[She hums again, not sure she follows. It still sounds like a 'doth protest too much' kind of thing, but it's not her business to tell Dazai how he should live his life. The obvious answers are, "get new muscle and get rid of Chuuya" at the very extreme and the very basic, "just live somewhere else," but again: not her business.]
I've never had a partner for "years and years and years," so I guess I don't really get it, [she says instead, returning to her teacup without losing her smile.]
(can't, kotone!! chuuya is an ultimate muscle dazai can manipulate very easily and shares a hivemind with!! it makes plans and schemes easier!! and he can't live somewhere else, because he sort of sold chuuya and himself to fyodor. so.)
That means you're living well, if you don't have a partner like that. We were half the profits of the Mafia in two years, that is a lotta work. I don't even have a high school diploma! Or a middle school diploma! Or a college diploma! Zero diplomas.
I don't have a high school diploma, either, [she points out with a shrug. It would have been nice to get one, but that's still a year out and not something she'll ever see, so! At least Akihiko and Mitsuru got theirs.] I'm surprised, though. You're really intelligent, so I figured you'd want to go to school.
[She wrinkles her nose a little bit at that. What's the point of giving one to a second year? It's not like it would make any of her friends feel better, and she certainly wouldn't be able to use it.]
From those bits of information and what I see in front of me, I think you would have fun in gastronomy, wouldn't you agree?
(kotone's little cafe. maybe that could happen here. feeling sorry over the fact that there might not be a future is a recipe for failure, isn't it?)
I was either hospitalized, home-schooled, or in the Mafia! Right now, technically, it wouldn't be the best time for me to go to school either! I'm busy with Detective work, you see?
Mmm... it might be fun, but I don't know if I want to turn my hobby into a job. Besides, Aragaki-senpai is the one who's really good at cooking. You should have some of the stuff he makes!
[She can do some basics and repurpose ingredients pretty well, considering she's had to prepare her own food for a long time, but as a job... eh. Maybe. She likes listening to music, too, but not enough to make that into a job, either.]
What would you have wanted to study if you could? [She doesn't know if he was hospitalized from his own attempts or from someone else, and that isn't her place to pry into.]
(he remembers too much, from the little details she drew, to how focused she was. his hands find the back of his head as he rests his back on the towel. ah, nice. being tall makes lying down heaven.)
Definitely not. This time last year, I'd never even held a weapon. It's nice being able to fight and make a difference, but for the rest of my life...?
[She wrinkles her nose again. It's hard to think about the future in those kinds of terms, doubly so since it's just a thought exercise. She'd figured when she was a third year, she'd start really looking into that, but... well.]
So you're happy being a detective? What kind of cases do you solve?
I'm not saying you'll fight for the rest of your life. You should look at that as a way to provide tools for those who need them... Or nice pieces of decor! That works too! Mhm, if not... Let's see... Kotone-chan... Fashion designer!
(she has a look to her, ok, he's sure she has a good sense of style. again, here's a taste of some sort of freedom. they should look into what she can do to make herself happy, here, for as long as she can.
being stuck on it isn't helpful. he can attest it from experience.)
As much as I can be, yes. We solve cases the police aren't able to, usually too delicate or those that have Ability-users. They range from capturing a man-eating Tiger that just happens to be a kiddo, to, mhm, saving the world!
[She laughs again and just shrugs. She does consider herself relatively well-dressed, but fashion just seemed like Yukari's thing way more than hers. Cooking was Shinjiro's thing, fashion was Yukari's. It seems strange to do them on her own. Even the Sewing Club had just been to hang out with Bebe.]
Maybe... I think I do okay at dressing myself, but I don't know if I'd be any good at making clothes for other people. I used to be in a club with a boy who came all the way from France, though... he made a whole kimono.
[Poor Bebe. He was so difficult to understand sometimes, but his passion didn't need to be explained with words.]
But wait, you mean there was a person pretending to be a tiger?
Kiddo, I hear a lot of 'I don't know', 'this other person does it too', like you can't find your own place within it. You won't know if you'd be any good at anything if you compare with others and if you don't make it yours, too. Try and test and see, Kotone-chan.
(sometimes, just sometimes, dazai doesn't suck so bad.)
Ah, and, no. He turns a tiger! That's his ability, he just didn't know. He also doesn't eat people.
[She sets down her sandwich and holds the jar of tea, relishing what little warmth remains between her hands as she tops off her cup. It's... hard to think about what she wants to do. She's not trying to keep her disquiet from her face as she stares down into the murky liquid with a frown.]
I don't really know what kind of thing I should make mine. I asked Aragaki-senpai about it, a little, and he basically said I should figure it out for myself. That's not so easy to do, though...
It isn't easy, no, especially in your position of near death. I do think you have no other choice than to be here right now, so you should try to do things that mean something to you. He's right in the sense that, no one can find that for you. He never said we can't help, though. Having someone show you a way is a wonderful thing, after all.
(the smile on his face. it's there, but it's almost nostalgic, almost like he's trying to reach for something in his brain that he can't have. odasaku changed him, and he has never stopped breathing and living what odasaku put in his path.
fuck, he misses him every day. it doesn't put a damper on his mood, though, look--)
I'm very tall, you can dress me, I don't mind! Just keep the bandages in mind!
Honestly, I'm happiest when I'm doing things that other people need help with or want to talk about.
[Fuuka and Cooking Club, Bebe and Sewing Club, Rio, Hidetoshi, Ken, Yukari... She spent so much time helping others that she doesn't know what to do with herself anymore. That's kind of funny, isn't it?
She notices that smile on his face and almost asks what he's thinking about, then laughs with surprise when he makes that offer.]
I like the way you dress, Dazai-san! It's a little old-fashioned, but it suits you!
Psychology would suit you, then. I know a thing or two. Or... Many! Many things.
(it's just part of the combo that is being dazai osamu. psychology is needed when one needs to manipulate others, situations, predict outcomes with the same perfect precision and accuracy as he does.
it's part of who he is.)
Eh-- old-fashioned?! I'm perfectly fine for my world! Have you seen the others?! Eh?!!!
[She set the jar down and rests her chin in her hand, elbow on her knee. If it's something he knows a lot about, maybe she can learn from him and it would be something he'd want to talk about! Instead of just blindly trying to figure out something for her.
But she laughs again at his reaction. Did she say it specifically to get that kind of reaction? Maybe.]
I said it suits you! I can't really picture you in jeans and a t-shirt or anything like that.
Yeah. You talked about the Collective Conscious, for starters. That was a term coined by Carl Jung. To sum up, he argued that a segment of the deepest unconscious mind is genetically inherited and not shaped by personal experience, so some things like deep-seated beliefs and instincts, such as spirituality, sexual behavior, and life and death instincts, all filed under that category. Morals, ethics, and concepts of fairness or right and wrong could be explained in the same way, with the collective unconscious as partially responsible.
(she asked. she received, and he sounds like an encyclopedia, but alas, at least she didn't ask for things he really has seared in his brain. top of his mind, that's part of it.)
Oh yeah... I remember the school nurse talked about stuff like that, once.
[He was... a weird guy, to say the least, and she usually dozed off when he went off on a monologue about "magic~" One of his lectures during the summer had been about the arcana, though; that had been interesting. Is it from him she'd first heard of the collective unconscious...? Igor and Theo had called it something else, she's pretty sure.]
That's why I could fuse together all kinds of different gods and angels and creatures and stuff that I'd never heard of, right? Because they exist in the minds of humanity as a whole?
[She just snorts and shakes her head. Yes, people wear jeans, Dazai. Yukari looks really good in them, too!]
I'm going to go on a limb here and say that, yes, indeed, and perhaps that's the very reason why death is such a big thing for your journey. We are all very touchy about it, like it is part of our awareness to fear and not accept it.
(he can only speculate, but so far, it's all that makes sense, isn't it? if that's what she was fighting for at home. his arms stretch again, almost a habit, before he taps the grass in thought.)
Perhaps that's why the Arcana is a thing, too. Jung said there were some archetypes, too. The persona, the shadow, the anima, and the self.
[She frowns again, because that makes it sound like all of that was orchestrated for her, specifically, and that's not true. She's just not that important. All that stuff that happened wasn't just to her; sure, there were some things that were unique for her, but the whole world was affected, and all of SEES needed to work together to fight it all.
But she looks up in clear curiosity, tilting her head again.] What are those?
(he knows this is more than just a theory, isn't it? from all she's told him, from how this seems to be clearing things up as much as clouding them all over again. a breath, and he'll have to squint to access that particular file in his brain, an eyebrow raising and...! bam.)
Persona literally means 'mask', they're all the social masks that we wear in groups and situations, it's how we present ourselves to the world. The shadow meant... If I'm not mistaken, it's about sex and life instincts? Repressed ideas, weaknesses, desires, things we have to leave behind in order to adapt to cultural norms and expectations. Anima was the feminine image, and animus the male one, it's about gender identity, the self... The unified unconsciousness and consciousness of an individual. I think that was about it, and then there's the other archetypes, that are sort of personality types. Ruler, explorer, rebel, lover, so on, so on.
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[She hums and takes another sandwich for herself, settling in for the story. If they've been partners for so long, have they considered... being nice to each other...]
You told me he walks on the ceiling, but that's about it.
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Ah, yes. 'Upon the Tainted Sorrow'. He manipulates gravity, and for specifics on what I'm going to say, it's up to him to tell, but if he overdoes it, he for sure will die, you know. He needs me to touch him if that happens. It's always been me strategizing, and Chuuya being the muscle, so. It's an awful, disgusting prank of fate.
(he's not telling her that out of a need to share. he doesn't know this place. he doesn't know if anything could mess with their abilities, if it could bring 'corruption' out of chuuya against his will. it's a matter of prevention, a gazillion plans in his mind for each contingency plan.)
Ugh, stuck, stuck, disgusting.
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I've never had a partner for "years and years and years," so I guess I don't really get it, [she says instead, returning to her teacup without losing her smile.]
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That means you're living well, if you don't have a partner like that. We were half the profits of the Mafia in two years, that is a lotta work. I don't even have a high school diploma! Or a middle school diploma! Or a college diploma! Zero diplomas.
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I don't have a high school diploma, either, [she points out with a shrug. It would have been nice to get one, but that's still a year out and not something she'll ever see, so! At least Akihiko and Mitsuru got theirs.] I'm surprised, though. You're really intelligent, so I figured you'd want to go to school.
[Why Crimes, Dazai?]
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(when. well, someone dies before they manage to get it.)
I wouldn't have had time. What would you have liked to study, Kotone-chan?
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I don't know, [she admits honestly, washing down another bite of sandwich with a sip of tea.] I worked part-time at a café, at a movie theater, at a healing accessory shop, we did work experience at a burger chain... they were fine, I guess. Not something I'd want to do forever.
[She glances back up at him.] What were you so busy doing that you couldn't go to school?
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(kotone's little cafe. maybe that could happen here. feeling sorry over the fact that there might not be a future is a recipe for failure, isn't it?)
I was either hospitalized, home-schooled, or in the Mafia! Right now, technically, it wouldn't be the best time for me to go to school either! I'm busy with Detective work, you see?
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[She can do some basics and repurpose ingredients pretty well, considering she's had to prepare her own food for a long time, but as a job... eh. Maybe. She likes listening to music, too, but not enough to make that into a job, either.]
What would you have wanted to study if you could? [She doesn't know if he was hospitalized from his own attempts or from someone else, and that isn't her place to pry into.]
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(he remembers too much, from the little details she drew, to how focused she was. his hands find the back of his head as he rests his back on the towel. ah, nice. being tall makes lying down heaven.)
Mhm. Good question. Foresincs, maybe?
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Definitely not. This time last year, I'd never even held a weapon. It's nice being able to fight and make a difference, but for the rest of my life...?
[She wrinkles her nose again. It's hard to think about the future in those kinds of terms, doubly so since it's just a thought exercise. She'd figured when she was a third year, she'd start really looking into that, but... well.]
So you're happy being a detective? What kind of cases do you solve?
1/2
(she has a look to her, ok, he's sure she has a good sense of style. again, here's a taste of some sort of freedom. they should look into what she can do to make herself happy, here, for as long as she can.
being stuck on it isn't helpful. he can attest it from experience.)
2/2
(VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE.)
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Maybe... I think I do okay at dressing myself, but I don't know if I'd be any good at making clothes for other people. I used to be in a club with a boy who came all the way from France, though... he made a whole kimono.
[Poor Bebe. He was so difficult to understand sometimes, but his passion didn't need to be explained with words.]
But wait, you mean there was a person pretending to be a tiger?
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(sometimes, just sometimes, dazai doesn't suck so bad.)
Ah, and, no. He turns a tiger! That's his ability, he just didn't know. He also doesn't eat people.
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[She sets down her sandwich and holds the jar of tea, relishing what little warmth remains between her hands as she tops off her cup. It's... hard to think about what she wants to do. She's not trying to keep her disquiet from her face as she stares down into the murky liquid with a frown.]
I don't really know what kind of thing I should make mine. I asked Aragaki-senpai about it, a little, and he basically said I should figure it out for myself. That's not so easy to do, though...
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(the smile on his face. it's there, but it's almost nostalgic, almost like he's trying to reach for something in his brain that he can't have. odasaku changed him, and he has never stopped breathing and living what odasaku put in his path.
fuck, he misses him every day. it doesn't put a damper on his mood, though, look--)
I'm very tall, you can dress me, I don't mind! Just keep the bandages in mind!
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[Fuuka and Cooking Club, Bebe and Sewing Club, Rio, Hidetoshi, Ken, Yukari... She spent so much time helping others that she doesn't know what to do with herself anymore. That's kind of funny, isn't it?
She notices that smile on his face and almost asks what he's thinking about, then laughs with surprise when he makes that offer.]
I like the way you dress, Dazai-san! It's a little old-fashioned, but it suits you!
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(it's just part of the combo that is being dazai osamu. psychology is needed when one needs to manipulate others, situations, predict outcomes with the same perfect precision and accuracy as he does.
it's part of who he is.)
Eh-- old-fashioned?! I'm perfectly fine for my world! Have you seen the others?! Eh?!!!
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[She set the jar down and rests her chin in her hand, elbow on her knee. If it's something he knows a lot about, maybe she can learn from him and it would be something he'd want to talk about! Instead of just blindly trying to figure out something for her.
But she laughs again at his reaction. Did she say it specifically to get that kind of reaction? Maybe.]
I said it suits you! I can't really picture you in jeans and a t-shirt or anything like that.
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(she asked. she received, and he sounds like an encyclopedia, but alas, at least she didn't ask for things he really has seared in his brain. top of his mind, that's part of it.)
... No one wears jeans, Kotone. No one.
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[He was... a weird guy, to say the least, and she usually dozed off when he went off on a monologue about "magic~" One of his lectures during the summer had been about the arcana, though; that had been interesting. Is it from him she'd first heard of the collective unconscious...? Igor and Theo had called it something else, she's pretty sure.]
That's why I could fuse together all kinds of different gods and angels and creatures and stuff that I'd never heard of, right? Because they exist in the minds of humanity as a whole?
[She just snorts and shakes her head. Yes, people wear jeans, Dazai. Yukari looks really good in them, too!]
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(he can only speculate, but so far, it's all that makes sense, isn't it? if that's what she was fighting for at home. his arms stretch again, almost a habit, before he taps the grass in thought.)
Perhaps that's why the Arcana is a thing, too. Jung said there were some archetypes, too. The persona, the shadow, the anima, and the self.
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But she looks up in clear curiosity, tilting her head again.] What are those?
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Persona literally means 'mask', they're all the social masks that we wear in groups and situations, it's how we present ourselves to the world. The shadow meant... If I'm not mistaken, it's about sex and life instincts? Repressed ideas, weaknesses, desires, things we have to leave behind in order to adapt to cultural norms and expectations. Anima was the feminine image, and animus the male one, it's about gender identity, the self... The unified unconsciousness and consciousness of an individual. I think that was about it, and then there's the other archetypes, that are sort of personality types. Ruler, explorer, rebel, lover, so on, so on.
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cw suicide mention
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cw self harm/suicide attempt mention
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