Yeah. You talked about the Collective Conscious, for starters. That was a term coined by Carl Jung. To sum up, he argued that a segment of the deepest unconscious mind is genetically inherited and not shaped by personal experience, so some things like deep-seated beliefs and instincts, such as spirituality, sexual behavior, and life and death instincts, all filed under that category. Morals, ethics, and concepts of fairness or right and wrong could be explained in the same way, with the collective unconscious as partially responsible.
(she asked. she received, and he sounds like an encyclopedia, but alas, at least she didn't ask for things he really has seared in his brain. top of his mind, that's part of it.)
Oh yeah... I remember the school nurse talked about stuff like that, once.
[He was... a weird guy, to say the least, and she usually dozed off when he went off on a monologue about "magic~" One of his lectures during the summer had been about the arcana, though; that had been interesting. Is it from him she'd first heard of the collective unconscious...? Igor and Theo had called it something else, she's pretty sure.]
That's why I could fuse together all kinds of different gods and angels and creatures and stuff that I'd never heard of, right? Because they exist in the minds of humanity as a whole?
[She just snorts and shakes her head. Yes, people wear jeans, Dazai. Yukari looks really good in them, too!]
I'm going to go on a limb here and say that, yes, indeed, and perhaps that's the very reason why death is such a big thing for your journey. We are all very touchy about it, like it is part of our awareness to fear and not accept it.
(he can only speculate, but so far, it's all that makes sense, isn't it? if that's what she was fighting for at home. his arms stretch again, almost a habit, before he taps the grass in thought.)
Perhaps that's why the Arcana is a thing, too. Jung said there were some archetypes, too. The persona, the shadow, the anima, and the self.
[She frowns again, because that makes it sound like all of that was orchestrated for her, specifically, and that's not true. She's just not that important. All that stuff that happened wasn't just to her; sure, there were some things that were unique for her, but the whole world was affected, and all of SEES needed to work together to fight it all.
But she looks up in clear curiosity, tilting her head again.] What are those?
(he knows this is more than just a theory, isn't it? from all she's told him, from how this seems to be clearing things up as much as clouding them all over again. a breath, and he'll have to squint to access that particular file in his brain, an eyebrow raising and...! bam.)
Persona literally means 'mask', they're all the social masks that we wear in groups and situations, it's how we present ourselves to the world. The shadow meant... If I'm not mistaken, it's about sex and life instincts? Repressed ideas, weaknesses, desires, things we have to leave behind in order to adapt to cultural norms and expectations. Anima was the feminine image, and animus the male one, it's about gender identity, the self... The unified unconsciousness and consciousness of an individual. I think that was about it, and then there's the other archetypes, that are sort of personality types. Ruler, explorer, rebel, lover, so on, so on.
Right, I remember the archetypes from one of the literature exams...
[She'd almost definitely slept through the class itself on that topic, but the first two are really interesting. She's not consciously trying to keep it from her face as she chews it all over; Dazai knows enough about it, and he's told her enough about the weirdness in his world, that she knows he'll believe her if she tries to explain any of it. It's just deciding which parts she wants to ask about, and which parts she wants to bother explaining. She definitely doesn't want to implicate Shinji in all of it, or any of the others, that's for sure.
...Aaaah that's a lot of work. She's going to need a nap after this.]
I guess that makes sense. I mean, they called all those different gods and things I was using my Personas, and the monsters I was fighting were called Shadows. They made it sound like most people only have one Persona, though, and it's pretty rare to be able to have more than one like me.
Ah, so you are an ability user. This is interesting, because it seemed like nothing happened when I touched you. That means, probably, you'll have to use it so I can remove it.
(mystery solved. she doesn't have to explain more than she wants to, he already has what he wanted to know when they first started talking about it - what her world is like, what she is, where does she fit, why gods are playing as such.)
I don't remember if Jungian psychology said there was more than one for each person, but I suppose it would make sense. We swift and change and mask differently each time, don't we? So, which is yours? Your Persona.
I'd rather you not do that... I'd only try summoning them if it's really, really important.
[Read: she hasn't even tested to see if it's possible here. She carried her Evoker into the forest, but isn't carrying it now. Initially, she'd been afraid that carrying around a gun would make people ask tricky questions, but even after it became obvious that people are just carrying around weapons like it's no big deal, it still seems a little weird to just start doing it now.
Something about the ease with which he just accepts that it's normal to have more than one makes a little bubble of something she'd forgotten she'd been worried about pop in her chest, a sudden surge of emotion that closes her throat for a second and stops her from answering. Everybody else only had one. They were able to evolve their Persona to something stronger after coming to terms with their own personal struggles, but they'd never had more than one. She'd thought maybe there was something wrong with her; the way Thanatos burst out of Orpheus at the time had been kind of scary, even if her memories of that are hazy enough that it's mostly based on what she'd been told after, not what she actually remembers.
She doesn't start crying at the idea that it's normal to be able to swap around one's true self, but she can't speak immediately, trying to keep her emotions in check.]
(a rare sight is for dazai to be confused, to be puzzled at what he sees. at home, it's ridiculously easy to read situations, he has files upon files, knowledge that stacks infinitely until all it takes is just a look for him to know way too much, way too fast. the same is often reality here, but there are gaps that his knowledge can't fill, simply because it doesn't translate. his world isn't made of personas, of shadows, but instead their own beliefs and abilities, poetry that can flow through one's fingers.
he doesn't know if 'no longer human' would help, if she can even feel it. it makes one either very relieved from not bearing a burden, or frightened to death of having a part of themselves missing, so he hesitates - should he come to her aid, should he drape his coat around her, she probably can see the back and forth once he's back sitting.
he'll only sigh, looking at her for a second, offering a hand. she can choose to be comforted, after all.)
[She just kind of looks at his hand, confused by what he's offering. Right. He'd asked a question, hadn't he? Give her a few seconds, she just has to remember to breathe again. Right. It's normal to be able to switch what's in your head to match the person you're talking to, isn't it? That's what he's saying?
She takes a breath through her nose, holds it, and lets it out again, forcing herself to swallow what had been choking her and reach to pick up the other half of the sandwich she'd been eating and put it in his hand. There you go. For you.]
They're all my Personas, [she says finally, swallowing past a lump in her throat and forcing herself to answer normally.] The one I awoke to myself was Orpheus, though I don't have her with me anymore.
[Thanatos hadn't been hers, really, back then; that had been Ryoji, sealed inside her ten years ago.]
(he is dumbfounded for just one second before he laughs a little, because, well, no, he was trying to be comforting, not to score a sandwich. putting that aside for a second, brain search...)
[Well, the confusion is enough to snap her out of the last lingering bits of the emotion she'd been struggling with, leaving her blinking at him and trying to figure out if she's being made fun of.]
It is. Orpheus is legendary! Orpheus and Whatshername, about to be married-- bam, not anymore, so Orpheus goes down to the underworld, and Orpheus' eloquence 'melted the hearts of the gods, and all fell silent'! Tell me that's not incredible in itself.
[She's still kind of blinking, more than a little thrown by his reaction. No one in SEES had been impressed by Orpheus, which made sense at the time. They'd all been really busy with everything else, and then going through Tartarus, picking up other Personas, fusing them...
Idly, she wonders how he'd react to know which Personas she has with her right now. She laughs a little, almost embarrassed.]
So what do you think that says about me? If Personas are supposed to be our mask, like you said.
Does it matter what I think? I like to see underneath it, and what I see shouldn't matter that much.
(please, don't become someone who needs dazai's opinion to move forward. it hardly ever ends well. he might be kinder than he thinks he's capable of being, but he's very much his own way of kind. kind in the way he wants to be, he's capable of being, when it's necessary to be.)
A man's gotta have his secrets, Koto-chan! But I can't imagine how that must be, this whole Persona deal... But I suppose you can't imagine my world, either. Isn't that interesting? I can't imagine having something so clear to think about.
(says, well, the man whose whole deal and ability say way too much. everyone's much like that.)
Hmm... well, for me, it's not something a lot of people know about. You don't mind keeping it to yourself, right? I don't want to answer a bunch of annoying questions.
[Plus, like, if people start bothering Shinji, that's a big no from her.]
It is really interesting how different people are. Astralin-san made me a little flower made out of ice! I can't do anything like that.
[That actually does reassure her. If it benefits him to tell someone, she'll trust his judgement. Or she'll figure out a way to just send all of that person's questions back to him.]
Uncool? It seems like it would be really unique and useful.
And it is. It isn't like turning into a tiger, or having super strength, or summoning an entity, or becoming visibly stronger the more money and assets you offer your ability -- that's sort of what it means! I just boop on occasion!
[Reaches out with one finger to try to boop his forehead. They've already established that it doesn't seem to do anything to her, but it's funny to boop.]
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(she asked. she received, and he sounds like an encyclopedia, but alas, at least she didn't ask for things he really has seared in his brain. top of his mind, that's part of it.)
... No one wears jeans, Kotone. No one.
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[He was... a weird guy, to say the least, and she usually dozed off when he went off on a monologue about "magic~" One of his lectures during the summer had been about the arcana, though; that had been interesting. Is it from him she'd first heard of the collective unconscious...? Igor and Theo had called it something else, she's pretty sure.]
That's why I could fuse together all kinds of different gods and angels and creatures and stuff that I'd never heard of, right? Because they exist in the minds of humanity as a whole?
[She just snorts and shakes her head. Yes, people wear jeans, Dazai. Yukari looks really good in them, too!]
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(he can only speculate, but so far, it's all that makes sense, isn't it? if that's what she was fighting for at home. his arms stretch again, almost a habit, before he taps the grass in thought.)
Perhaps that's why the Arcana is a thing, too. Jung said there were some archetypes, too. The persona, the shadow, the anima, and the self.
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But she looks up in clear curiosity, tilting her head again.] What are those?
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Persona literally means 'mask', they're all the social masks that we wear in groups and situations, it's how we present ourselves to the world. The shadow meant... If I'm not mistaken, it's about sex and life instincts? Repressed ideas, weaknesses, desires, things we have to leave behind in order to adapt to cultural norms and expectations. Anima was the feminine image, and animus the male one, it's about gender identity, the self... The unified unconsciousness and consciousness of an individual. I think that was about it, and then there's the other archetypes, that are sort of personality types. Ruler, explorer, rebel, lover, so on, so on.
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[She'd almost definitely slept through the class itself on that topic, but the first two are really interesting. She's not consciously trying to keep it from her face as she chews it all over; Dazai knows enough about it, and he's told her enough about the weirdness in his world, that she knows he'll believe her if she tries to explain any of it. It's just deciding which parts she wants to ask about, and which parts she wants to bother explaining. She definitely doesn't want to implicate Shinji in all of it, or any of the others, that's for sure.
...Aaaah that's a lot of work. She's going to need a nap after this.]
I guess that makes sense. I mean, they called all those different gods and things I was using my Personas, and the monsters I was fighting were called Shadows. They made it sound like most people only have one Persona, though, and it's pretty rare to be able to have more than one like me.
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(mystery solved. she doesn't have to explain more than she wants to, he already has what he wanted to know when they first started talking about it - what her world is like, what she is, where does she fit, why gods are playing as such.)
I don't remember if Jungian psychology said there was more than one for each person, but I suppose it would make sense. We swift and change and mask differently each time, don't we? So, which is yours? Your Persona.
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[Read: she hasn't even tested to see if it's possible here. She carried her Evoker into the forest, but isn't carrying it now. Initially, she'd been afraid that carrying around a gun would make people ask tricky questions, but even after it became obvious that people are just carrying around weapons like it's no big deal, it still seems a little weird to just start doing it now.
Something about the ease with which he just accepts that it's normal to have more than one makes a little bubble of something she'd forgotten she'd been worried about pop in her chest, a sudden surge of emotion that closes her throat for a second and stops her from answering. Everybody else only had one. They were able to evolve their Persona to something stronger after coming to terms with their own personal struggles, but they'd never had more than one. She'd thought maybe there was something wrong with her; the way Thanatos burst out of Orpheus at the time had been kind of scary, even if her memories of that are hazy enough that it's mostly based on what she'd been told after, not what she actually remembers.
She doesn't start crying at the idea that it's normal to be able to swap around one's true self, but she can't speak immediately, trying to keep her emotions in check.]
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he doesn't know if 'no longer human' would help, if she can even feel it. it makes one either very relieved from not bearing a burden, or frightened to death of having a part of themselves missing, so he hesitates - should he come to her aid, should he drape his coat around her, she probably can see the back and forth once he's back sitting.
he'll only sigh, looking at her for a second, offering a hand. she can choose to be comforted, after all.)
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She takes a breath through her nose, holds it, and lets it out again, forcing herself to swallow what had been choking her and reach to pick up the other half of the sandwich she'd been eating and put it in his hand. There you go. For you.]
They're all my Personas, [she says finally, swallowing past a lump in her throat and forcing herself to answer normally.] The one I awoke to myself was Orpheus, though I don't have her with me anymore.
[Thanatos hadn't been hers, really, back then; that had been Ryoji, sealed inside her ten years ago.]
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Oh. OH. Wo-- That's cool.
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[Well, the confusion is enough to snap her out of the last lingering bits of the emotion she'd been struggling with, leaving her blinking at him and trying to figure out if she's being made fun of.]
Is it...?
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[She's still kind of blinking, more than a little thrown by his reaction. No one in SEES had been impressed by Orpheus, which made sense at the time. They'd all been really busy with everything else, and then going through Tartarus, picking up other Personas, fusing them...
Idly, she wonders how he'd react to know which Personas she has with her right now. She laughs a little, almost embarrassed.]
So what do you think that says about me? If Personas are supposed to be our mask, like you said.
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(please, don't become someone who needs dazai's opinion to move forward. it hardly ever ends well. he might be kinder than he thinks he's capable of being, but he's very much his own way of kind. kind in the way he wants to be, he's capable of being, when it's necessary to be.)
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[Booo. She sticks out her tongue when he doesn't answer and settles back with her cup of tea.]
But you don't have to tell me if you don't want. Like I said, I don't have Orpheus anymore, anyway.
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(says, well, the man whose whole deal and ability say way too much. everyone's much like that.)
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[Plus, like, if people start bothering Shinji, that's a big no from her.]
It is really interesting how different people are. Astralin-san made me a little flower made out of ice! I can't do anything like that.
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(if it gives her any sense of security.)
Neither can I! In truth, I don't remember seeing an ability like that either. Even my own... It's very powerful, rare, but sort of uncool.
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Uncool? It seems like it would be really unique and useful.
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[Reaches out with one finger to try to boop his forehead. They've already established that it doesn't seem to do anything to her, but it's funny to boop.]
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(which, well, fun, but also terrible!! he wants to be hugged and petted sometimes!!)
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She draws her finger back with a shrug.]
You'll have to show me some time. It might not be very showy, but it sounds cool to me.
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cw suicide mention
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cw self harm/suicide attempt mention
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