[Reaches out with one finger to try to boop his forehead. They've already established that it doesn't seem to do anything to her, but it's funny to boop.]
Like I said, I haven't tried summoning my Persona. It can be kind of difficult...
[She raises her hand up to her temple in the shape of a gun for just a moment before letting it fall.]
I need a special tool to do it. Someone explained it to me, but it was kind of complicated. It has to do with accepting our own mortality to gain the strength to do it, I think.
Is it...? I mean, if there's another way to summon it, I don't know how. Besides, sometimes Personas can... turn against their user, or someone can lose control over them. It's probably safer to use the correct tool.
[She's learning! Look at the way she doesn't change her expression or hesitate when talking about how people can lose control of their Personas!]
(oh, look at her, congratulations! it does still mean, that, like, this either could happen to her and she was warned, or she saw this happen, but look at her!! good job.)
This happened to us once, but it was... An attack, of sorts.
(ahahahaha. not like he was involved in it in any shape or form.)
[For the former, it probably had to do with how Strega members had gotten their Personas in the first place. For the latter, well... it could have been Shinji's inexperience or it could have been something about the fight itself. That's not something to share with anyone, though.]
[She just shrugs. She doesn't really get it, but there's a lot she doesn't know about Personas. Mitsuru would be the person to ask, but... well, she isn't here.]
I can only really speak for myself. I guess anything's possible!
Oh, if you do find another Persona user here, could you tell me?
(loophole. 'could', not 'would'. if he finds it to be beneficial, he'll tell her. if it isn't, he won't. sorry, kotone, he's a piece of shit, he will make choices in your behalf, zero fucks given.)
Ah, this is cra--zy!! So much to consider!!! Oof, my brain is so melted!!!
Ah, no, I don't like the cold. I think I've mentioned, I don't like pain, and fridges and ice burn! No, thank you. I'll try to drown like a normal, sane person.
I just got really, really tired. In the last few days before I arrived here, people started asking if I was getting enough sleep, or if I was sick. But I promised all my friends we'd meet on the roof for graduation, so... I just kept going. I don't remember a lot from that month between the final battle and graduation day.
I think I was falling asleep on the roof with Aigis... that's what everyone says they want, right? To die in their sleep?
(all he can do is listen, although to be fair, there's a jab of jealousy from what she tells him. he-- he can't die, in every word of the sense. beneath the bandages are the proof that dazai's tried, many, many times, and when no one can see, new scars form around deeper ones. all neatly wrapped, from his ankle to his neck, because he doesn't want to be reminded, nor does he find the beauty in how he has survived, unlike other people might have.
all this paints a very tragic picture of someone trapped in their bones, who struggle to see a reason to forward, and then odasaku appears in his brain. perhaps it's intentional that he lets his expression show a bit of sadness, whether that is out of his own jealousy or out of some feeling towards kotone's own death is up in the air.)
And yet, no one I've met who's passed had that luxury. I still think I'd rather drown.
[She hums quietly, rubbing her fingertips against her teacup. All this heavy talk isn't like her, but it's something that's been lurking in the back of her mind for... a while. Since Ryoji's revelation, sort of, but more since everyone forgot at the end of January. Since her last meeting with Akinari, maybe.
Akinari might have been the only one who passed peacefully. She hopes, anyway, but she can't know for sure. He'd been in a lot of pain before, so...]
Why do you want to die, Dazai-san...? [It's a quiet, honest question as she glances up at him, fairly certain that he won't answer truthfully.]
(it's not that he particularly wants to die. it's a matter of finding it extremely difficult to stay alive, the struggle when your own heart is filled with unquenchable darkness and a pit of loneliness. he tries with nails and teeth, he's done things that would make kotone sick in her stomach to even consider it, and he hasn't found it. dazai now walks in the light, and still, that hole won't close.
maybe, just maybe, if he does better, he'll become better. he has a promise to upkeep.
It's a simple enough answer, really, and more than that, she gets it. Death had been such a big part of her life for almost as long as she can easily remember. It's easy to think about it as something to be welcomed instead of feared.
So she puts her cup down and scoots around the edge of the blanket to try to give him a hug without pressing too hard against any of his bandages (the true challenge).]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[Reaches out with one finger to try to boop his forehead. They've already established that it doesn't seem to do anything to her, but it's funny to boop.]
no subject
(which, well, fun, but also terrible!! he wants to be hugged and petted sometimes!!)
no subject
She draws her finger back with a shrug.]
You'll have to show me some time. It might not be very showy, but it sounds cool to me.
no subject
no subject
Like I said, I haven't tried summoning my Persona. It can be kind of difficult...
[She raises her hand up to her temple in the shape of a gun for just a moment before letting it fall.]
I need a special tool to do it. Someone explained it to me, but it was kind of complicated. It has to do with accepting our own mortality to gain the strength to do it, I think.
no subject
(is it a gun? any gun? he taps himself, as if it's something he tends to have.)
no subject
I don't have it with me. It's in my room. It's useless if someone doesn't have a Persona, so it's not like it's dangerous to leave it somewhere.
[And like, if someone stole it, what would they do with it...? She's not too worried about that possibility.]
no subject
(sir, your co-coworker has absurd strength, on the caveat he's hungry, and when he eats, he falls asleep. like. who are you to say that shit.)
no subject
[She's learning! Look at the way she doesn't change her expression or hesitate when talking about how people can lose control of their Personas!]
no subject
(oh, look at her, congratulations! it does still mean, that, like, this either could happen to her and she was warned, or she saw this happen, but look at her!! good job.)
This happened to us once, but it was... An attack, of sorts.
(ahahahaha. not like he was involved in it in any shape or form.)
no subject
[For the former, it probably had to do with how Strega members had gotten their Personas in the first place. For the latter, well... it could have been Shinji's inexperience or it could have been something about the fight itself. That's not something to share with anyone, though.]
What happened when you were attacked?
no subject
(chuuya took care of it. ah, the graces of the double black hivemind. schemes work perfectly.)
Maybe another Persona User has a skill. It shouldn't be impossible if you're different, too.
no subject
[To put it into her terms, it's like if Personas were separated from their users and attacked. (SMT would like to know your location).
She blinks at him, though.]
What kind of skill do you mean, exactly?
no subject
no subject
I can only really speak for myself. I guess anything's possible!
Oh, if you do find another Persona user here, could you tell me?
no subject
(loophole. 'could', not 'would'. if he finds it to be beneficial, he'll tell her. if it isn't, he won't. sorry, kotone, he's a piece of shit, he will make choices in your behalf, zero fucks given.)
Ah, this is cra--zy!! So much to consider!!! Oof, my brain is so melted!!!
(just theatrics.)
no subject
She snorts a laugh at him and takes a sip from her forgotten teacup.]
Well, the fridges seem to be working again, so you could try sticking your head in one to cool down.
cw suicide mention
(THIS IS NOT SANE.)
no subject
[Just... saying.]
I guess I got lucky. It didn't really hurt when I was dying.
[Since they're on the topic now, anyway.]
no subject
(but always, someone thinks they're doing a great deed.)
Peacefully?
no subject
[She shrugs and nods.]
I just got really, really tired. In the last few days before I arrived here, people started asking if I was getting enough sleep, or if I was sick. But I promised all my friends we'd meet on the roof for graduation, so... I just kept going. I don't remember a lot from that month between the final battle and graduation day.
I think I was falling asleep on the roof with Aigis... that's what everyone says they want, right? To die in their sleep?
[She forces a bright smile.]
Definitely better than drowning, if you ask me!
cw self harm/suicide attempt mention
all this paints a very tragic picture of someone trapped in their bones, who struggle to see a reason to forward, and then odasaku appears in his brain. perhaps it's intentional that he lets his expression show a bit of sadness, whether that is out of his own jealousy or out of some feeling towards kotone's own death is up in the air.)
And yet, no one I've met who's passed had that luxury. I still think I'd rather drown.
no subject
Akinari might have been the only one who passed peacefully. She hopes, anyway, but she can't know for sure. He'd been in a lot of pain before, so...]
Why do you want to die, Dazai-san...? [It's a quiet, honest question as she glances up at him, fairly certain that he won't answer truthfully.]
no subject
(it's not that he particularly wants to die. it's a matter of finding it extremely difficult to stay alive, the struggle when your own heart is filled with unquenchable darkness and a pit of loneliness. he tries with nails and teeth, he's done things that would make kotone sick in her stomach to even consider it, and he hasn't found it. dazai now walks in the light, and still, that hole won't close.
maybe, just maybe, if he does better, he'll become better. he has a promise to upkeep.
it's hard, though. odasaku knew it would be.)
no subject
It's a simple enough answer, really, and more than that, she gets it. Death had been such a big part of her life for almost as long as she can easily remember. It's easy to think about it as something to be welcomed instead of feared.
So she puts her cup down and scoots around the edge of the blanket to try to give him a hug without pressing too hard against any of his bandages (the true challenge).]
I'm glad we met.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)