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[nullificates]

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dazai

osamu

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[nullificates]

I think Punishment is awfully biased.

(he doesn't feel much. perhaps a pull, perhaps a push, but he offers his hand to touch. this is now fyodor, so it's symbolism.)

And this place? What do you think, Fyodor?

[fatalism]

You don't like pain, of course you will not get along. Punishment needs pain otherwise it isn't effective as a deterrent for others.

[ he slips his hand into dazai's without hesitation, without thought. ]

I think this place feels like purgatory.

[nullificates]

There are pains that aren't physical.

(the back of the hand touches lips. chivalry.)

Is it to your God's view?

[fatalism]

There are. As there are also cages without bars and guards. [ fyodor tenses at that press of lips but he's less surprised than before. ]

No, my God wouldn't have purgatory look so pleasant and mild. There is something under the surface here, yes, but it's not something we are supposed to see through yet.

What do you think?

[nullificates]

I think it may be a God. Perhaps just not yours. Since this place is basing its thing on crime AND punishment, I wanted to hear what the actual ones had to say.

(with slow motions, he'll bring the hand down from his lips, but not releasing it.)

[fatalism]

[ he doesn't know what to do with a purgatory devoid of both book and purpose. ] My Crime and Punishment might not align to the ones in this place. For all that it matters, mine are not forgiving, they are focused on granting the eternal silence and the release from the yoke of sin.

[ ...fyodor please.

still, he brings dazai's hand to his mouth, a kiss placed on the back of it because he wants to see what dazai's reaction to that gesture is. ]

[nullificates]

(for a second, it's genuine surprise, before his raised eyebrows follow the tranquility of his expression, a smile that comes into his lips peacefully. fyodor could still stab him right now, take the element of surprise, but he won't.

dazai doesn't think so.)

Maybe they, and by extension, you, could learn new things.

[fatalism]

[ ah, catching the other by surprise is always so satisfying. ]

I doubt it. We are all too set in our ways, besides, Dazai-kun, if I were to change it would be boring for you. I'd lose the appeal of being a challenge.

[nullificates]

(he supposes fyodor has already gotten used to the feeling of no longer human, since he doesn't seem rather annoyed by it. it means dazai gets to intertwine their fingers, look at him one-upping you, fyodor.)

Disagree.

[fatalism]

[ his fingers twitch but he lets it happen, setting their hands between them on the grass. he's not going to pull away and show weakness. ]

Everything bores you in this world eventually, why would I be any different if I become a solved puzzle to you?

[nullificates]

I guess you haven't thought about this yet. If we are the same, can we truly solve the other?

(looking at themselves so closely. solving puzzles in the shape of others is fine, solving oneself? that's the hardest part.)

[fatalism]

Perhaps not for a long time but eventually it'll...end.

[ ...fyodor, please....... ]

[nullificates]

Probably.

(he's not going to deny it. everything he wants will eventually be lost, after all.)

[fatalism]

Then why risk it?

[ fyodor doesn't want that. and it's weird because he..is willing to give up most of everything else. ]

[nullificates]

An answer I simply cannot give you, Fyfy. That's your own to find.

(specially because he struggles with it, too.)

[fatalism]

So we can't just fuck and have this over and done with? [ he lifts their hands a little. the alcohol is finally making its way around his system and he's exhausted and sleepy and tipsy. ]

1/2

[nullificates]

.......

(HOLY DAMN JESUS)

[nullificates]

Depends. What do you want over and done with? What's 'this', Fyodor?

(most likely, it will make it harder to let go when they have to.)

[fatalism]

You find me attractive and want to sleep with me, especially since you haven't touched anyone else since being in prison.

As for why you'd want to sleep with me when you have Chuuya right there, or even Nikolai, I do not understand. But if it would keep you from being weird about touching or wanting to touch me so much, I don't see why we shouldn't just get it over and done with.

If I indulge your curiosity, you'll get bored faster.

[ which isn't exactly the opposite of what you want, fyodor? (shhh it is but) ]

[nullificates]

Why do you want to sleep with me?

(uno reverse card. that last bit is contradictory. input not enough.)

[fatalism]

I don't. [ well, it's not entirely that- it's complicated, fyodor shakes his head ] Well, sex doesn't interest me in the way it interests you.

I am sure you do not need me to explain why that may be the case.

[nullificates]

How unfortunate. I won't do it until it does. Enjoy 'this'!

(with that explodable phony cheeriness.)

[fatalism]

Are you just not delaying the inevitable then? [ maybe, he supposes his mind might not change. ]

Since you are certain you can change my mind. Though what I am supposed to think about sex beyond the fact it's messy, hot and wet, you'll have to explain.

[nullificates]

I won't!

(individuality, fyodor. whatever he feels is his own.)

[fatalism]

But the godling gets it then?

[ he's making an effort here, he doesn't know what he's supposed to feel about wanting to sleep with someone!! ]