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[nullificates]

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dazai

osamu

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[nullificates]

(said long body turns, elbow digging onto the grass with no regard to the mud that might stick to the fabric, but peaceful expressions next to a man who attempted to drown him twice. it's a win that fyodor is laying down, even if he's stiff like this.)

I absolutely did. I had a very interesting talk with a girl, may I speak to 'Crime and Punishment'?

(he wants to touch the religion within fyodor, is what he means.)

[fatalism]

[ turning his head he regards dazai; not quite vulnerable but an expression that is open enough to invite conversation without words. however, ever proper, fyodor adds: ] You may, but be warned they're not the best conversationalists around.

[ he's intrigued by dazai's deliberate phrasing of the request.

it is disgustingly charming. ]

[nullificates]

I don't mind. Crime, what consists as a crime?

(he's even keeping his hands further away, as if it was inviting the thoughts without judgement from himself, eyes closing as he relaxes.)

[fatalism]

[ what a question. to reside in someone as cruel as fyodor, his ability had to be a match, did it not? just like no longer human made its resident user feel dull about day-to-day life. ] The Crime is thinking, the Crime is breathing.

[ in other words: living. anything alive under the eyes of god is dispatched. it is the crime of living, sinful or otherwise-though fyodor adheres to the doctrine that everyone is born bearing sin from first breath but theology isn't what dazai is asking for. ]

By that measure, you are all guilty.

[nullificates]

Is if fair, Crime, to simply be born to suffer from punishment? From a crime we never chose to commit? Or do you believe we chose?

(things he could have asked, but never wanted to back in their glass cage. things that hardly ever mattered. if they abilities are as part of them as their very bones, their convictions, all there is, he can understand why someone as fyodor would find it awfully hard to deal with his own.

to never be able to confidently hold anything in his hands, covered or not.)

[fatalism]

No, we are all descended from Adam and Eve, their sin is ours. As life passes, so too, does the original sin move. From father to son, mother to daughter. No escape. [

he didn't get to choose who crime decided to punish. it simply was.

there is something infinitely tender in his voice: ] By that same measure, No Longer Human-are you therefore exempt from the original sin by virtue of your absence of humanity? By virtue of shedding your humanity and therefore being the only sinless being?

[ much like sigma who is a creation of the book. not human, above them both. ]

[nullificates]

Then why create beings that cannot be redeemed? Crime, I think you're very narrow-minded. What does Punishment would think!

(there's no mockery, not at an ounce, not for a second. he really wants to know, as if they were conversing so directly, fyodor solely as a means to reach them. he'll turn to the man in a second, but the words make him shake his head.)

I'm not, because even as an empty vessel of a person, or perhaps because of it, I've sinned more than they have, don't you think? If I had met the snake, perhaps I would have eaten it and the apple as dessert.

[fatalism]

It doesn't work like that, to sin you'd have to be human and because you're No Longer Human, you transcend sin. You could murder until the sea turned red and it wouldn't count. Punishment says so.

Otherwise, my touch you kill you. [ and as if to prove this point, fyodor taps dazai's arm purposely activating his ability. nothing, absolutely nothing but the cool blue of no longer human is present. ]

Why create beings that cannot be redeemed? That's what the book is for though.

[nullificates]

I think Punishment is awfully biased.

(he doesn't feel much. perhaps a pull, perhaps a push, but he offers his hand to touch. this is now fyodor, so it's symbolism.)

And this place? What do you think, Fyodor?

[fatalism]

You don't like pain, of course you will not get along. Punishment needs pain otherwise it isn't effective as a deterrent for others.

[ he slips his hand into dazai's without hesitation, without thought. ]

I think this place feels like purgatory.

[nullificates]

There are pains that aren't physical.

(the back of the hand touches lips. chivalry.)

Is it to your God's view?

[fatalism]

There are. As there are also cages without bars and guards. [ fyodor tenses at that press of lips but he's less surprised than before. ]

No, my God wouldn't have purgatory look so pleasant and mild. There is something under the surface here, yes, but it's not something we are supposed to see through yet.

What do you think?

[nullificates]

I think it may be a God. Perhaps just not yours. Since this place is basing its thing on crime AND punishment, I wanted to hear what the actual ones had to say.

(with slow motions, he'll bring the hand down from his lips, but not releasing it.)

[fatalism]

[ he doesn't know what to do with a purgatory devoid of both book and purpose. ] My Crime and Punishment might not align to the ones in this place. For all that it matters, mine are not forgiving, they are focused on granting the eternal silence and the release from the yoke of sin.

[ ...fyodor please.

still, he brings dazai's hand to his mouth, a kiss placed on the back of it because he wants to see what dazai's reaction to that gesture is. ]

[nullificates]

(for a second, it's genuine surprise, before his raised eyebrows follow the tranquility of his expression, a smile that comes into his lips peacefully. fyodor could still stab him right now, take the element of surprise, but he won't.

dazai doesn't think so.)

Maybe they, and by extension, you, could learn new things.

[fatalism]

[ ah, catching the other by surprise is always so satisfying. ]

I doubt it. We are all too set in our ways, besides, Dazai-kun, if I were to change it would be boring for you. I'd lose the appeal of being a challenge.

[nullificates]

(he supposes fyodor has already gotten used to the feeling of no longer human, since he doesn't seem rather annoyed by it. it means dazai gets to intertwine their fingers, look at him one-upping you, fyodor.)

Disagree.

[fatalism]

[ his fingers twitch but he lets it happen, setting their hands between them on the grass. he's not going to pull away and show weakness. ]

Everything bores you in this world eventually, why would I be any different if I become a solved puzzle to you?

[nullificates]

I guess you haven't thought about this yet. If we are the same, can we truly solve the other?

(looking at themselves so closely. solving puzzles in the shape of others is fine, solving oneself? that's the hardest part.)

[fatalism]

Perhaps not for a long time but eventually it'll...end.

[ ...fyodor, please....... ]

[nullificates]

Probably.

(he's not going to deny it. everything he wants will eventually be lost, after all.)

[fatalism]

Then why risk it?

[ fyodor doesn't want that. and it's weird because he..is willing to give up most of everything else. ]

[nullificates]

An answer I simply cannot give you, Fyfy. That's your own to find.

(specially because he struggles with it, too.)

[fatalism]

So we can't just fuck and have this over and done with? [ he lifts their hands a little. the alcohol is finally making its way around his system and he's exhausted and sleepy and tipsy. ]

1/2

[nullificates]

.......

(HOLY DAMN JESUS)