[ oh they certainly shouldn't have left that prison cell, fyodor knows that so very very very well. the smile on the other becomes less genuine and out of impulse fyodor nudges him back, passing the bottle over. ]
Well, I suppose I'll have to find ways to make it interesting for you once we are back. Yes? Don't think this outbreak is the only card I am holding onto.
I'm supposed to be working with you, not against you in this instance. [ he doesn't think cooperation would interest dazai as much as standing on opposite sides but still. an agreement is an agreement, if he's going to go against those and try to kill dazai while they are here...
a fair warning should be given. ]
I could try to seriously kill you now and again if you prefer.
[ ..fyodor do you even hear yourself ] A dead me is a lot less useful than a live me, if we are working well together. [ meaning, there is unlikely to be serious serious attempts. he's not sure if that is disappointing or not for dazai, but he knows where he stands on the matter. ]
[ fyodor's smile is small and pleased, genuine in its sentiment and just slightly less sharp than usual. ]
A good chess partner is difficult to find, should that be something we should look into getting here to pass the time? I know we have played before but there is something very satisfying about using a board.
I don't see why. Should we play 'Go', since we're at it? If we can't make the board, we can just use our imagination.
(his back gently touches the grass, as he stretches his long arms over his head. fyodor will notice his outfit is almost the same, sans the coat, sans the tie.
it's good enough. he'll pat the grass next to him, if fyodor wants to be less posh.)
I suppose we could play Go for a change. [ there is a mental note made that he ought to find a bolo tie to replace the one dazai had back home but fyodor skips past the significance, focuses instead on the long lines of dazai's body. he is waiting for a trap but upon seeing none he simply leans back to join him.
he folds his hands on his chest like a cadaver though. ]
Have you given the thought that this might just be a very pretty, very elaborate cage?
(said long body turns, elbow digging onto the grass with no regard to the mud that might stick to the fabric, but peaceful expressions next to a man who attempted to drown him twice. it's a win that fyodor is laying down, even if he's stiff like this.)
I absolutely did. I had a very interesting talk with a girl, may I speak to 'Crime and Punishment'?
(he wants to touch the religion within fyodor, is what he means.)
[ turning his head he regards dazai; not quite vulnerable but an expression that is open enough to invite conversation without words. however, ever proper, fyodor adds: ] You may, but be warned they're not the best conversationalists around.
[ he's intrigued by dazai's deliberate phrasing of the request.
[ what a question. to reside in someone as cruel as fyodor, his ability had to be a match, did it not? just like no longer human made its resident user feel dull about day-to-day life. ] The Crime is thinking, the Crime is breathing.
[ in other words: living. anything alive under the eyes of god is dispatched. it is the crime of living, sinful or otherwise-though fyodor adheres to the doctrine that everyone is born bearing sin from first breath but theology isn't what dazai is asking for. ]
Is if fair, Crime, to simply be born to suffer from punishment? From a crime we never chose to commit? Or do you believe we chose?
(things he could have asked, but never wanted to back in their glass cage. things that hardly ever mattered. if they abilities are as part of them as their very bones, their convictions, all there is, he can understand why someone as fyodor would find it awfully hard to deal with his own.
to never be able to confidently hold anything in his hands, covered or not.)
No, we are all descended from Adam and Eve, their sin is ours. As life passes, so too, does the original sin move. From father to son, mother to daughter. No escape. [
he didn't get to choose who crime decided to punish. it simply was.
there is something infinitely tender in his voice: ] By that same measure, No Longer Human-are you therefore exempt from the original sin by virtue of your absence of humanity? By virtue of shedding your humanity and therefore being the only sinless being?
[ much like sigma who is a creation of the book. not human, above them both. ]
Then why create beings that cannot be redeemed? Crime, I think you're very narrow-minded. What does Punishment would think!
(there's no mockery, not at an ounce, not for a second. he really wants to know, as if they were conversing so directly, fyodor solely as a means to reach them. he'll turn to the man in a second, but the words make him shake his head.)
I'm not, because even as an empty vessel of a person, or perhaps because of it, I've sinned more than they have, don't you think? If I had met the snake, perhaps I would have eaten it and the apple as dessert.
It doesn't work like that, to sin you'd have to be human and because you're No Longer Human, you transcend sin. You could murder until the sea turned red and it wouldn't count. Punishment says so.
Otherwise, my touch you kill you. [ and as if to prove this point, fyodor taps dazai's arm purposely activating his ability. nothing, absolutely nothing but the cool blue of no longer human is present. ]
Why create beings that cannot be redeemed? That's what the book is for though.
There are. As there are also cages without bars and guards. [ fyodor tenses at that press of lips but he's less surprised than before. ]
No, my God wouldn't have purgatory look so pleasant and mild. There is something under the surface here, yes, but it's not something we are supposed to see through yet.
I think it may be a God. Perhaps just not yours. Since this place is basing its thing on crime AND punishment, I wanted to hear what the actual ones had to say.
(with slow motions, he'll bring the hand down from his lips, but not releasing it.)
[ he doesn't know what to do with a purgatory devoid of both book and purpose. ] My Crime and Punishment might not align to the ones in this place. For all that it matters, mine are not forgiving, they are focused on granting the eternal silence and the release from the yoke of sin.
[ ...fyodor please.
still, he brings dazai's hand to his mouth, a kiss placed on the back of it because he wants to see what dazai's reaction to that gesture is. ]
(for a second, it's genuine surprise, before his raised eyebrows follow the tranquility of his expression, a smile that comes into his lips peacefully. fyodor could still stab him right now, take the element of surprise, but he won't.
dazai doesn't think so.)
Maybe they, and by extension, you, could learn new things.
[ ah, catching the other by surprise is always so satisfying. ]
I doubt it. We are all too set in our ways, besides, Dazai-kun, if I were to change it would be boring for you. I'd lose the appeal of being a challenge.
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Well, I suppose I'll have to find ways to make it interesting for you once we are back. Yes? Don't think this outbreak is the only card I am holding onto.
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(whatever the fuck that means. he does laugh a little at the nudging, taking the bottle and resting it in front of them for the moment.)
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a fair warning should be given. ]
I could try to seriously kill you now and again if you prefer.
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(it's not an admission that he will do it - more like a constructed way of hearing fyodor's thoughts.)
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[ ..fyodor do you even hear yourself ] A dead me is a lot less useful than a live me, if we are working well together. [ meaning, there is unlikely to be serious serious attempts. he's not sure if that is disappointing or not for dazai, but he knows where he stands on the matter. ]
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(whether it is for company, brains, or anything else. excuse his previous murder attempts, please.)
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A good chess partner is difficult to find, should that be something we should look into getting here to pass the time? I know we have played before but there is something very satisfying about using a board.
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(his back gently touches the grass, as he stretches his long arms over his head. fyodor will notice his outfit is almost the same, sans the coat, sans the tie.
it's good enough. he'll pat the grass next to him, if fyodor wants to be less posh.)
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he folds his hands on his chest like a cadaver though. ]
Have you given the thought that this might just be a very pretty, very elaborate cage?
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I absolutely did. I had a very interesting talk with a girl, may I speak to 'Crime and Punishment'?
(he wants to touch the religion within fyodor, is what he means.)
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[ he's intrigued by dazai's deliberate phrasing of the request.
it is disgustingly charming. ]
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(he's even keeping his hands further away, as if it was inviting the thoughts without judgement from himself, eyes closing as he relaxes.)
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[ in other words: living. anything alive under the eyes of god is dispatched. it is the crime of living, sinful or otherwise-though fyodor adheres to the doctrine that everyone is born bearing sin from first breath but theology isn't what dazai is asking for. ]
By that measure, you are all guilty.
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(things he could have asked, but never wanted to back in their glass cage. things that hardly ever mattered. if they abilities are as part of them as their very bones, their convictions, all there is, he can understand why someone as fyodor would find it awfully hard to deal with his own.
to never be able to confidently hold anything in his hands, covered or not.)
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he didn't get to choose who crime decided to punish. it simply was.
there is something infinitely tender in his voice: ] By that same measure, No Longer Human-are you therefore exempt from the original sin by virtue of your absence of humanity? By virtue of shedding your humanity and therefore being the only sinless being?
[ much like sigma who is a creation of the book. not human, above them both. ]
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(there's no mockery, not at an ounce, not for a second. he really wants to know, as if they were conversing so directly, fyodor solely as a means to reach them. he'll turn to the man in a second, but the words make him shake his head.)
I'm not, because even as an empty vessel of a person, or perhaps because of it, I've sinned more than they have, don't you think? If I had met the snake, perhaps I would have eaten it and the apple as dessert.
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Otherwise, my touch you kill you. [ and as if to prove this point, fyodor taps dazai's arm purposely activating his ability. nothing, absolutely nothing but the cool blue of no longer human is present. ]
Why create beings that cannot be redeemed? That's what the book is for though.
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(he doesn't feel much. perhaps a pull, perhaps a push, but he offers his hand to touch. this is now fyodor, so it's symbolism.)
And this place? What do you think, Fyodor?
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[ he slips his hand into dazai's without hesitation, without thought. ]
I think this place feels like purgatory.
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(the back of the hand touches lips. chivalry.)
Is it to your God's view?
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No, my God wouldn't have purgatory look so pleasant and mild. There is something under the surface here, yes, but it's not something we are supposed to see through yet.
What do you think?
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(with slow motions, he'll bring the hand down from his lips, but not releasing it.)
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[ ...fyodor please.
still, he brings dazai's hand to his mouth, a kiss placed on the back of it because he wants to see what dazai's reaction to that gesture is. ]
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dazai doesn't think so.)
Maybe they, and by extension, you, could learn new things.
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I doubt it. We are all too set in our ways, besides, Dazai-kun, if I were to change it would be boring for you. I'd lose the appeal of being a challenge.
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1/2
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tw; eye gore talk, violence
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cw suicide
cw suicide
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...i am so sorry
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