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[nullificates]

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dazai

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[fatalism]

[ a lot of fyodor is a carefully constructed self; his belief in god is real, his way of speaking too—but he, like dazai, has no taste for expensive things. his one vice is tea and music, brief and fleeting moments of pleasure in what he considers to be a rather dull world full of sin.

he shoots dazai a look. ]

I suppose, [ he begins with a long-suffering sigh ] that you're not terrible to look at, even if your personality will chase them away eventually.

[nullificates]

What I mean assumption that I might want to have stayed.

(it's all he'll say about it. he never truly did, there are things that pull him into significance, and while touch is something he can't seem to turn away from, it's not wholly so deep in most cases.)

Yours being?

[fatalism]

[ fyodor breathes out a distinctly sulky sigh and grabs the bottle. he takes a long, deep swing-alcohol burning down his throat. too much, too fast before he answers. he wipes the excess alcohol from his lips with the pad of his thumb then licks that.

not going to waste a drop of a wine that is clearly decent. or rather good. dazai must have picked it with some level of consideration towards fyodor's preference of not drinking garbage if he can avoid it. ]

Mischief.

[ he looks briefly puzzled. mischief. such an innocent, innocuous crime for a terrorist. ]

[nullificates]

(fyodor, are you okay there, buddy?

he's even tapping the man's back, just to make sure the wine runs smoothly down his throat. about to let his own lips touch the bottle, dazai's only stopped by the words, and he smiles brightly.)

... That's cute!!!!!

[fatalism]

[ fyodor is fine he wants to laugh at the way dazai takes care so that he doesn't choke. ]

I am torn between amusement and disbelief. That is why I ask about your crime.

[ he glances at dazai, ignoring the way his eyes always go back to the other. unaware, maybe. ]

[nullificates]

Perhaps it's the way they're just shoving it all together, all you've done? Ah, it all feels very arbitrary. For a second, I thought perhaps it was self-inflicted guilt, but I talk and talk and I decided it isn't so.

(while fyodor only glances, dazai's gaze never left him, aside from when he sips, closed eyes denoting his happiness over the wash of alcohol.)

[fatalism]

But mischief? That is inadequate description of my motivation though it was entertaining to observe most of the time. [ he waves a hand dismissively. ] Not that it matters we are all going to be judged the same, don't you think?

[ fyodor only takes a chance to really look when dazai's eyes are closed; enjoying the alcohol. ]

[nullificates]

Or maybe those things were not what they're looking for, don't you agree? I might not have committed terrorism, but we know I have not lived the life of a saint. Why choose that? Maybe it's punishing you for your counseling skills.

(there's a laugh, a genuine one, before he passes the wine, a gentle nudge from their shoulders.)

[fatalism]

And yours is what? Punishing you for terrorising the female population of Yokohama?

[ tipping a little at the gentle nudge, fyodor is ready to just shove dazai for that until he catches on that it had been a genuine laugh and gesture. he takes the wine, another small, conservative sip and he holds onto the bottle for the moment. ]

Is this what you do when I'm not antagonising you back home?

[ fyodor isn't forthcoming with details about himself but the interest he has in dazai is betrayed by the questions asked. he wants to know, beyond what he can deduce. ]

[nullificates]

Who knows. I think it's funny. If we combine my real crimes with yours, perhaps we should never have left that prison cell. Here we are, though. I'm not complaining.

(they're basically living together, aren't they? surely they are separated by the wall between their rooms, but soon, it will become pretty clear what dazai's life is like on a more mundane basis. the smile isn't leaving, although it loses the genuine aspect to a more empty one.)

Sometimes. I drink, I go out, I have fun, I try to kill myself, I fail, I go to work, I come back, I have fun, rinse, repeat.

[fatalism]

[ oh they certainly shouldn't have left that prison cell, fyodor knows that so very very very well. the smile on the other becomes less genuine and out of impulse fyodor nudges him back, passing the bottle over. ]

Well, I suppose I'll have to find ways to make it interesting for you once we are back. Yes? Don't think this outbreak is the only card I am holding onto.

[nullificates]

You're not going to make things interesting for me here?

(whatever the fuck that means. he does laugh a little at the nudging, taking the bottle and resting it in front of them for the moment.)

[fatalism]

I'm supposed to be working with you, not against you in this instance. [ he doesn't think cooperation would interest dazai as much as standing on opposite sides but still. an agreement is an agreement, if he's going to go against those and try to kill dazai while they are here...

a fair warning should be given. ]

I could try to seriously kill you now and again if you prefer.

[nullificates]

You think I won't give you the same courtesy?

(it's not an admission that he will do it - more like a constructed way of hearing fyodor's thoughts.)

[fatalism]

I think it will depend on how badly you want me.

[ ..fyodor do you even hear yourself ] A dead me is a lot less useful than a live me, if we are working well together. [ meaning, there is unlikely to be serious serious attempts. he's not sure if that is disappointing or not for dazai, but he knows where he stands on the matter. ]

[nullificates]

A dead you, huh? I would not like that.

(whether it is for company, brains, or anything else. excuse his previous murder attempts, please.)

[fatalism]

[ fyodor's smile is small and pleased, genuine in its sentiment and just slightly less sharp than usual. ]

A good chess partner is difficult to find, should that be something we should look into getting here to pass the time? I know we have played before but there is something very satisfying about using a board.

[nullificates]

I don't see why. Should we play 'Go', since we're at it? If we can't make the board, we can just use our imagination.

(his back gently touches the grass, as he stretches his long arms over his head. fyodor will notice his outfit is almost the same, sans the coat, sans the tie.

it's good enough. he'll pat the grass next to him, if fyodor wants to be less posh.)

[fatalism]

I suppose we could play Go for a change. [ there is a mental note made that he ought to find a bolo tie to replace the one dazai had back home but fyodor skips past the significance, focuses instead on the long lines of dazai's body. he is waiting for a trap but upon seeing none he simply leans back to join him.

he folds his hands on his chest like a cadaver though. ]

Have you given the thought that this might just be a very pretty, very elaborate cage?

[nullificates]

(said long body turns, elbow digging onto the grass with no regard to the mud that might stick to the fabric, but peaceful expressions next to a man who attempted to drown him twice. it's a win that fyodor is laying down, even if he's stiff like this.)

I absolutely did. I had a very interesting talk with a girl, may I speak to 'Crime and Punishment'?

(he wants to touch the religion within fyodor, is what he means.)

[fatalism]

[ turning his head he regards dazai; not quite vulnerable but an expression that is open enough to invite conversation without words. however, ever proper, fyodor adds: ] You may, but be warned they're not the best conversationalists around.

[ he's intrigued by dazai's deliberate phrasing of the request.

it is disgustingly charming. ]

[nullificates]

I don't mind. Crime, what consists as a crime?

(he's even keeping his hands further away, as if it was inviting the thoughts without judgement from himself, eyes closing as he relaxes.)

[fatalism]

[ what a question. to reside in someone as cruel as fyodor, his ability had to be a match, did it not? just like no longer human made its resident user feel dull about day-to-day life. ] The Crime is thinking, the Crime is breathing.

[ in other words: living. anything alive under the eyes of god is dispatched. it is the crime of living, sinful or otherwise-though fyodor adheres to the doctrine that everyone is born bearing sin from first breath but theology isn't what dazai is asking for. ]

By that measure, you are all guilty.

[nullificates]

Is if fair, Crime, to simply be born to suffer from punishment? From a crime we never chose to commit? Or do you believe we chose?

(things he could have asked, but never wanted to back in their glass cage. things that hardly ever mattered. if they abilities are as part of them as their very bones, their convictions, all there is, he can understand why someone as fyodor would find it awfully hard to deal with his own.

to never be able to confidently hold anything in his hands, covered or not.)

[fatalism]

No, we are all descended from Adam and Eve, their sin is ours. As life passes, so too, does the original sin move. From father to son, mother to daughter. No escape. [

he didn't get to choose who crime decided to punish. it simply was.

there is something infinitely tender in his voice: ] By that same measure, No Longer Human-are you therefore exempt from the original sin by virtue of your absence of humanity? By virtue of shedding your humanity and therefore being the only sinless being?

[ much like sigma who is a creation of the book. not human, above them both. ]