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[nullificates]

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dazai

osamu

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[nullificates]

am i wrong?

[fatalism]

you're as stubborn as a mule. what could i possibly do to change your mind if we go outside?

[nullificates]

fine. i'm coming out.

[fatalism]

i need a break from cello practice

[ yes that's not the whole truth but ]

[nullificates]

(huh.

fyodor seems much like a very curious cat at the moment, sniffing outside his hole in the wall to make sure it's safe. there might be a shortage of food, but he managed to snatch enough wine, enough snacks, and that's what it is in the bag.)

Come out, come out, mouse. Meow.

[fatalism]

[ he steps out, looking dignified despite being called out like an animal and he straightens. there is some way he's keeping an eye on dazai, not quite distrustful but not quite comfortable either. ]

Let's go, before the godling murders you.

[nullificates]

Oh, please.

(if chuuya hasn't been trying. if dazai hasn't been trying! everyone tries! no one succeeds! his face is now sour, thank you for the reminder.)

Let's sit by the water.

[fatalism]

Do you want my help in drowning?

[ but he will not contest the choice of venue. it's not like he has the upper body strength to actually drown dazai.

sadly.

oh yeah, and he made a whole agreement to behave. but mostly it is the first thing stopping him ]

[nullificates]

You chose a really bad way of killing me. Do you know just how many times I've drowned?

(he's offering the arm, a now symbol of peace.)

[fatalism]

I do not, tell me how many.

[ though he could probably guess right. instead he pauses looking at the offered arm. touching makes him vulnerable but being offered it gives fyodor the choice to do so or not. he wonders if showing dazai trust will get him something--but dazai isn't sentimental like that.

he takes it, tentative. ]

[nullificates]

Too many to count, sunbeam.

(yes, he learned, he uses it. the steps are slow out of the in, a hand, much like before, setting on top of the arm.)

[fatalism]

[ that's fair, what a shame drowning doesn't seem to stick.

he only feels half certain of what dazai wants—well, not quite that, he gets that dazai wants sex but the motive seems elusive at best. ]

You three make more noise than an entire kindergarten. How am I going to get you all to be quiet?

[nullificates]

How is cohabitation with Nikol? You're surviving well?

(it's not just sex -- but alas, it's much more fun to watch fyodor fumble with concepts he can't really understand.)

[fatalism]

I think having me, and by extension his freedom through my death so close might drive him insane.

[ he sighs, dramatic and moody at once, the town is the same as always and he hates it.

and yet...] The godling was so desperate for me to take you, we almost had a civil conversation.

[ are you surviving well? ]

[nullificates]

Because he's just very sane on a daily basis, Fyfy...

(the laugh is more of a snigger, his shoulders pointing from it. he likes nikol, but let's be real, here.)

You should stop calling him 'godling' if you want anything from him, for starters.

[fatalism]

Nikolai is sane. [ he glances at dazai, trying to gauge if his adamant defense of nikolai's sanity is telling. he hopes not but he does know gogol to be sane, he wouldn't do all this to break free if he were not. ]

I will keep this in mind but I do not call him that as an insult. He is part of one whether he wants to be or not.

And he is small, hence: godling. But inviting me to address him by his first name feels odd.

[nullificates]

(it's not even on the freedom part, or his shiny disposition, or the murder that makes dazai question that.

it's his choice of outfit! but before he can jab at it, fyodor keeps on with his point of view, and that last bit makes him chuckle.)

He is definitely tiny! I've cursed him with it many moons ago!

(the fact that the gravity part of things compressing chuuya's spine.)

He's human, you know, regardless of all that. If you see him like that, I'm sure he'll be more civil, even without me holding him by the collar like an angry chihuahua puppy! You can keep putting emphasis on his height though! He loves being reminded I'm so much taller.

[fatalism]

[ press x for doubt. fyodor glances at dazai again, squeezes the arm to pull him closer. an acknowledgement of his words. ]

Too human, like Nikolai.

I prefer it when I had him fully leashed but this will do for now.

[ and that's as far as fyodor is willing to admit that dazai's plan is pretty decent. ]

We could walk all over this town and we would be no closer to finding a way back.

[nullificates]

Fully leashed is debatable. Your vampires aren't them, after all.

(so, technically, is there any pride in it? either way, he can see the water, that's where they'll settle for now.)

So, we can just drink for now. I'm digging what I can.

[fatalism]

True, and it isn't power that interests me after all.

[ settling by the water without trying to kill one another for a change is...nice. it's peaceful in a way fyodor hasn't felt in years-he's always been busy with the mission. ]

The crime you were accused of, you do not need to tell me, but-is yours true?

[nullificates]

But I already told you what it is.

(the arm is taken back to himself, so he can open the wine-- ah, fuck, he forgot glasses! a sip from the bottle. come down to his level, fyodor.)

It really is 'Womanizing'.

[fatalism]

I thought that was a joke.

[ the ground is not comfortable but he manages, crossing his legs and leaning his elbows on his knees. he watches the bottle for a moment or two before he takes it. the sip he gives is far more conservative before he returns it.

surprisingly, he finds 'womanizing' more annoying of a crime than something like 'murder'. ]

[nullificates]

Since when do I joke, aside from all the time, every time! I was dead-serious.

(there are things about dazai that aren't all that morbid, after all. he is happy, however. it doesn't feel like fyodor to drink from the bottle.)

[fatalism]

[ a lot of fyodor is a carefully constructed self; his belief in god is real, his way of speaking too—but he, like dazai, has no taste for expensive things. his one vice is tea and music, brief and fleeting moments of pleasure in what he considers to be a rather dull world full of sin.

he shoots dazai a look. ]

I suppose, [ he begins with a long-suffering sigh ] that you're not terrible to look at, even if your personality will chase them away eventually.

[nullificates]

What I mean assumption that I might want to have stayed.

(it's all he'll say about it. he never truly did, there are things that pull him into significance, and while touch is something he can't seem to turn away from, it's not wholly so deep in most cases.)

Yours being?