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[nullificates]

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dazai

osamu

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[nullificates]

i do.

[fatalism]

lust, like, love.

they do not seem all that different

[nullificates]

you'll learn.

[fatalism]

i still want the godling's secret

[nullificates]

too bad for you, mhm?

1/2

[fatalism]

2/2

[fatalism]

let's go out then, dazai-kun.

[nullificates]

nope youre trying to use me i see no benefit for me

[fatalism]

alright then.

[nullificates]

am i wrong?

[fatalism]

you're as stubborn as a mule. what could i possibly do to change your mind if we go outside?

[nullificates]

fine. i'm coming out.

[fatalism]

i need a break from cello practice

[ yes that's not the whole truth but ]

[nullificates]

(huh.

fyodor seems much like a very curious cat at the moment, sniffing outside his hole in the wall to make sure it's safe. there might be a shortage of food, but he managed to snatch enough wine, enough snacks, and that's what it is in the bag.)

Come out, come out, mouse. Meow.

[fatalism]

[ he steps out, looking dignified despite being called out like an animal and he straightens. there is some way he's keeping an eye on dazai, not quite distrustful but not quite comfortable either. ]

Let's go, before the godling murders you.

[nullificates]

Oh, please.

(if chuuya hasn't been trying. if dazai hasn't been trying! everyone tries! no one succeeds! his face is now sour, thank you for the reminder.)

Let's sit by the water.

[fatalism]

Do you want my help in drowning?

[ but he will not contest the choice of venue. it's not like he has the upper body strength to actually drown dazai.

sadly.

oh yeah, and he made a whole agreement to behave. but mostly it is the first thing stopping him ]

[nullificates]

You chose a really bad way of killing me. Do you know just how many times I've drowned?

(he's offering the arm, a now symbol of peace.)

[fatalism]

I do not, tell me how many.

[ though he could probably guess right. instead he pauses looking at the offered arm. touching makes him vulnerable but being offered it gives fyodor the choice to do so or not. he wonders if showing dazai trust will get him something--but dazai isn't sentimental like that.

he takes it, tentative. ]

[nullificates]

Too many to count, sunbeam.

(yes, he learned, he uses it. the steps are slow out of the in, a hand, much like before, setting on top of the arm.)

[fatalism]

[ that's fair, what a shame drowning doesn't seem to stick.

he only feels half certain of what dazai wants—well, not quite that, he gets that dazai wants sex but the motive seems elusive at best. ]

You three make more noise than an entire kindergarten. How am I going to get you all to be quiet?

[nullificates]

How is cohabitation with Nikol? You're surviving well?

(it's not just sex -- but alas, it's much more fun to watch fyodor fumble with concepts he can't really understand.)

[fatalism]

I think having me, and by extension his freedom through my death so close might drive him insane.

[ he sighs, dramatic and moody at once, the town is the same as always and he hates it.

and yet...] The godling was so desperate for me to take you, we almost had a civil conversation.

[ are you surviving well? ]

[nullificates]

Because he's just very sane on a daily basis, Fyfy...

(the laugh is more of a snigger, his shoulders pointing from it. he likes nikol, but let's be real, here.)

You should stop calling him 'godling' if you want anything from him, for starters.

[fatalism]

Nikolai is sane. [ he glances at dazai, trying to gauge if his adamant defense of nikolai's sanity is telling. he hopes not but he does know gogol to be sane, he wouldn't do all this to break free if he were not. ]

I will keep this in mind but I do not call him that as an insult. He is part of one whether he wants to be or not.

And he is small, hence: godling. But inviting me to address him by his first name feels odd.