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[nullificates]

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dazai

osamu

Comments

[fatalism]

You find me attractive and want to sleep with me, especially since you haven't touched anyone else since being in prison.

As for why you'd want to sleep with me when you have Chuuya right there, or even Nikolai, I do not understand. But if it would keep you from being weird about touching or wanting to touch me so much, I don't see why we shouldn't just get it over and done with.

If I indulge your curiosity, you'll get bored faster.

[ which isn't exactly the opposite of what you want, fyodor? (shhh it is but) ]

[nullificates]

Why do you want to sleep with me?

(uno reverse card. that last bit is contradictory. input not enough.)

[fatalism]

I don't. [ well, it's not entirely that- it's complicated, fyodor shakes his head ] Well, sex doesn't interest me in the way it interests you.

I am sure you do not need me to explain why that may be the case.

[nullificates]

How unfortunate. I won't do it until it does. Enjoy 'this'!

(with that explodable phony cheeriness.)

[fatalism]

Are you just not delaying the inevitable then? [ maybe, he supposes his mind might not change. ]

Since you are certain you can change my mind. Though what I am supposed to think about sex beyond the fact it's messy, hot and wet, you'll have to explain.

[nullificates]

I won't!

(individuality, fyodor. whatever he feels is his own.)

[fatalism]

But the godling gets it then?

[ he's making an effort here, he doesn't know what he's supposed to feel about wanting to sleep with someone!! ]

[nullificates]

(his face is now screaming GROSS.)

Isn't that something you should ask him?

[fatalism]

[ gotcha ]

Why? Does he want to have sex with me too? I thought that was just you, Dazai-kun.

[nullificates]

Why. Do. You. Think. I. Know. That!? Ask him!!

[fatalism]

Oh? Are you not sharing secrets intimately during the late nights? Or am I simply imagining little mice outside their holes?

[nullificates]

I think you're grossly misreading the Slug and I.

[fatalism]

I am not but very well, I can see you are not ready to delve into those topics in regards to him. Yet, you seem fairly willing in indulging me in those.

[ except for the fact dazai won't fuck him for...whatever reason ]

[nullificates]

(that's the thing, isn't it? fyodor doesn't get the reason. he doesn't understand what dazai means when he refuses - it's not that he doesn't want to.

it's just that, at this time, he doesn't feel like it should be just a peace agreement. fyodor needs to see and feel new things. dazai's a part of that.)

I can't be ready to dwelve on a topic that doesn't exist.

[fatalism]

Oh, I see. Is this an experiment? [ he hums, retrieving his hand and sitting up. it looks like he's tinkering with a thought or two, except fyodor is so far from the bullseye it should be embarrassing for him.

but it's not: ] It does, and is that why you're rejecting me? For him? I suppose that would make some sort of sense.

But still, Dazai-kun, he very much would like to sleep with you-after all, the beds wouldn't be pushed together if it were not so.

[nullificates]

(and fyodor is killing him here. just murdering him. and the face he makes is both confusion and utter disgust.)

Absolutely not. I'm barely rejecting you. I just want you to think some things through - and, for your information. The beds are like that because 'No Longer Human' is a great way to calm a chaotic ability, it helps him sleep, and if he sleeps, then I can have some peace. I can sleep next to you too, if you want to try that out.

[fatalism]

[ he is giving dazai an 'are you kidding me?' look when he glances back but then shakes his head. idiots in denial will be idiots in denial. ]

My sleep is very peaceful. [ because he sleeps like a fucking vampire but whatever, details. he passes the wine back towards the door. ] Just drink your wine, Dazai-kun. Maybe it will inspire you to find a way out of here in case I do not.

[nullificates]

Is it? You cannot say 'Crime and Punishment' just quiet down and snuggle one another as you fall asleep. I don't believe that for one second.

(one day, fyodor will rest against dazai's shoulder, and he will understand real sinless peace, and he will get it. dazai has two hands.)

Is it that restless for you?

[fatalism]

I don't think it matters. [ fyodor tilts his head, belligerence in every gesture made. crime and punishment is not like other abilities in far too many ways to explain in simple words. if dazai has not guessed its truth then fyodor is not inclined to reveal it.

after all, he may have agreed to work together with him but trust? that is another question entirely. ]

[nullificates]

To you or to me? It matters greatly to me!

(after all, it's part of fyodor, it's something to understand. how is someone so intelligent, so dangerously intellectual, so wonderfully like himself...

so like this?)

[fatalism]

To either. [ crime and punishment are good friends, of course; subjected to dazai's inescapable nullification, fyodor thinks that to be as intolerable as the absolute judgment of his own ability. ]

The sun is unusually bright, it's a nice day. Take a nap, Dazai. It's a better way to spend your time than asking me questions.

[nullificates]

I have no rest for my head, Fyfy.

(it absolutely is a fun way of asking for pets, but alas, dazai knows it would be impossible to sleep with all this clarity on his eyelids.)

[fatalism]

[ fyodor considers suggesting they find a pair of bricks to sandwich dazai's head in between. you know, for extra comfort. but instead he gestures towards his lap having picked up the meaning of what dazai is asking for.

it's a small concession, perhaps, even a polite gesture in return for refusing dazai his answers. ]

[nullificates]

(both probably know dazai won't sleep, but it's still nice to have that space provided, either way. his head rests against thighs, and he stretches a little, much like a needy cat, before a snort leaves him.)

A secret, Fyfy? I can't sleep with any light on at all.

[fatalism]

[ dazai is immune to crime and punishment; that still doesn't take away the hesitation of his hand, the brief pause that betrays years of honed instinct to avoid touching in case--just in case, before it sets on curly brown hair. ] Oh? [ there is a considering hum. ] I suppose for someone who craves death as you do only the darkest embrace will do. No light means you can almost pretend it is not sleep but a crypt where you're being laid out for a final rest.