But it isn't. Your life is pretty short, after all. We may be like this, but I've known Chuuya for 8 years, Fyodor for 6. These things build with time, you know, so who's to say you're not creating this as we speak?
[ Once again Sigma leans into the touch, seeking that support and warmth. Dazai is good to him, far too good to him, and he feels as if he doesn't do enough to return the favor. What could he possibly do to let Dazai feel just as safe as he does right now...? ]
You are a kind man.
[ Another quiet voice, more to some unknown listener than to Dazai. ]
(not at his core. not that sigma doesn't know that. dazai and fyodor are not too different, which makes their ordeal even more challenging - he'll kill if he finds no other option. he'll torture if it's the way to save. he'll be who he is, directed, guided. a man who walks the path of light by the shade.
his hands fall into hair, a caress to tell him he doesn't have to feel this lonely.)
[ There's a significant enough difference that Sigma can't quite put into words, especially not now. Not when someone he trusts is holding him, fingers running through his hair, and the alcohol-induced fatigue from before is refusing to hold itself back any longer. He could fall asleep right here rather comfortably, but maybe a warning would be a small kindness. ]
[ He nods, taking the offered hands just as slowly. Even if Dazai wasn't intimately familiar with Gogol's bed, which one is Sigma's should be obvious. It's neatly made, even the (maybe more than necessary) pillows arranged nicely, perfect for someone who needs to be fastidious even in the morning. ]
(maybe the clown sees it, maybe he won't make it till dazai's gone, but that's of little concern to him - it's more of a matter of how they'll wake up in the morning, gogol can be such a... lively experience!
off goes his coat, off goes his vest, off goes his tie and shoes. it's comfortable at least, and he first helps sigma onto the bed before he takes the other side, arms open for the other to rest in them.)
[ Only the jacket, shoes, and jabot manage to get off and set as neatly as he can manage before Dazai's in here with him, arms open in an invitation.
Tired as he is, he still needs a second to process. It's a new sight to begin with, and on top of it being Dazai...everything else can stay on. It'll be fine. He needs to slide into those arms and wrap his own around the other man as quickly as possible, thank you. ]
(there's a smile lingering in the corners of his mouth, his arm pulling the other close so he can find comfort, settle however he feels like, and the caresses to the long hair are back as a way to lull him to sleep.)
[ In all honesty, it's one of the best nights of sleep he's ever had. Right up there next to his first time in an actual bed. He fell asleep just as smooth and peacefully as he's waking up, first things first trying to shield his eyes from early morning sunlight by shoving his face into the closest pillow--person?
Person. Dazai. Ah, that's right. Dazai had been kind enough to see him home, and even kinder to stay the night...like this. Warm. Secure. A good part of him doesn't want to move, to disturb the peace of a moment he may very well never have again, but it seems his curiosity is waking up faster than his shame.
What does Dazai look like fast asleep, he wonders? Without a care in the world? There's always something weighing heavy on that man's mind, does it leave when he allows himself some rest?
Sigma does his best to adjust gently, quietly, retreating from where he shoved his face ever-so-slightly to look and see if he can spot the mysterious resting genius. ]
(a fun fact is that dazai's sleep requires complete darkness, the slightest ray of light disturbing it. he's been awake for a good 10 minutes now, albeit in a limbo between slumber and consciousness, lazy and mellow. he definitely can feel sigma's awakening, but for the sake of being lazy, he won't react to it.
let him be curious. dazai does look tranquil like this.)
[ And there it is. He doesn't move when he catches sight of it, as if Dazai's some prey animal likely to be spooked and run off, just...appreciating that face for a little bit.
Somehow, even though he's sleeping, that tranquility accentuates how tired Dazai looks. It's easy not to notice when he's up being his usual energetic self, but now, especially this close, it's impossible to miss. How often does he get a full night's sleep? How often does he get it in a bed? Sigma knows the type--won't say The Type's name lest he spoil the mood for himself--the type to get so wrapped up in what they're doing they neglect basic self-care and play it off like they're the exception to the rules of human bodies, that they're fine.
Is Dazai fine, though?
As Sigma thinks his thumbs idly move back and forth across their spot on Dazai's back. He would normally be up by now, groggily rolling through his morning routine, but he doesn't want to disturb this potentially rare chance at rest. Who knows when it might happen again? And besides, serene and genuinely without a care in the world is...a good look. On Dazai.
Carefully, oh so very carefully, Sigma brings a hand up to brush a stray lock of hair away from the sleeping Dazai's face. If his fingers happen to linger against a cheek, he doesn't seem to care too much for now. ]
(lately, being fine is far from what he is - even if the concept of being 'fine' has always been foreign to him. his brain doesn't stop, regardless of what kind of interaction he's having - and this place doesn't help it. a thought that has haunting him is the thought of staying here, in this place, where he has no war to fight. as soon as he steps foot at home, it's back to being enemies, almost-friends, wishful thinkings, and he won't remember precious moments like these. the little things that keep his feet going and his soul fueled to face the hopeless pit that is his soul.
a place he attempts to light, and fails. it hurts to have what he wants, and it's so tiring, so dragging.
unlike what sigma thought would happen, dazai doesn't run off like a cornered animal. instead, the corners of his lips turn into a small smile, and his hand grips to the edge of the blanket to hide them underneath.)
[ The first sign of movement brings a flinch out of Sigma, but the tension is quick enough to calm down once he realizes what Dazai's doing. Not leaving, not scolding or looking at him funny, just...adjusting. To stay even longer, it seems.
Which soothes the tension, yes, though maybe not all of Sigma's nerves. The hand at Dazai's cheek moves to rest against an arm instead, politely pretending it wasn't there to begin with. ]
We really should be up.
[ Said with what sounds like no real intent to force the issue. ]
(he felt the caress, but hey, he's not here to embarrass sigma - let him save face and everything. there's a yawn as he presses his forehead against the other's shoulder, a little stretch of his arms downwards like kitten.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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...and it's still lonely now.
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I like having you around a little more than I should, I think.
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(oh, sigma. dazai's arm wraps around him so he can find rest, grounding. a place to find support.)
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You are a kind man.
[ Another quiet voice, more to some unknown listener than to Dazai. ]
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(not at his core. not that sigma doesn't know that. dazai and fyodor are not too different, which makes their ordeal even more challenging - he'll kill if he finds no other option. he'll torture if it's the way to save. he'll be who he is, directed, guided. a man who walks the path of light by the shade.
his hands fall into hair, a caress to tell him he doesn't have to feel this lonely.)
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...M'tired.
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(every move he's doing have been slow, careful, and this moment in which he moves to stand and offer his hands so sigma can take them to follow.)
You know 'No Longer Human' has no off-button, right? Please don't wake up startled and hit me accidentally, okay?
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[ He nods, taking the offered hands just as slowly. Even if Dazai wasn't intimately familiar with Gogol's bed, which one is Sigma's should be obvious. It's neatly made, even the (maybe more than necessary) pillows arranged nicely, perfect for someone who needs to be fastidious even in the morning. ]
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off goes his coat, off goes his vest, off goes his tie and shoes. it's comfortable at least, and he first helps sigma onto the bed before he takes the other side, arms open for the other to rest in them.)
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Tired as he is, he still needs a second to process. It's a new sight to begin with, and on top of it being Dazai...everything else can stay on. It'll be fine. He needs to slide into those arms and wrap his own around the other man as quickly as possible, thank you. ]
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Person. Dazai. Ah, that's right. Dazai had been kind enough to see him home, and even kinder to stay the night...like this. Warm. Secure. A good part of him doesn't want to move, to disturb the peace of a moment he may very well never have again, but it seems his curiosity is waking up faster than his shame.
What does Dazai look like fast asleep, he wonders? Without a care in the world? There's always something weighing heavy on that man's mind, does it leave when he allows himself some rest?
Sigma does his best to adjust gently, quietly, retreating from where he shoved his face ever-so-slightly to look and see if he can spot the mysterious resting genius. ]
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let him be curious. dazai does look tranquil like this.)
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Somehow, even though he's sleeping, that tranquility accentuates how tired Dazai looks. It's easy not to notice when he's up being his usual energetic self, but now, especially this close, it's impossible to miss. How often does he get a full night's sleep? How often does he get it in a bed? Sigma knows the type--won't say The Type's name lest he spoil the mood for himself--the type to get so wrapped up in what they're doing they neglect basic self-care and play it off like they're the exception to the rules of human bodies, that they're fine.
Is Dazai fine, though?
As Sigma thinks his thumbs idly move back and forth across their spot on Dazai's back. He would normally be up by now, groggily rolling through his morning routine, but he doesn't want to disturb this potentially rare chance at rest. Who knows when it might happen again? And besides, serene and genuinely without a care in the world is...a good look. On Dazai.
Carefully, oh so very carefully, Sigma brings a hand up to brush a stray lock of hair away from the sleeping Dazai's face. If his fingers happen to linger against a cheek, he doesn't seem to care too much for now. ]
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a place he attempts to light, and fails. it hurts to have what he wants, and it's so tiring, so dragging.
unlike what sigma thought would happen, dazai doesn't run off like a cornered animal. instead, the corners of his lips turn into a small smile, and his hand grips to the edge of the blanket to hide them underneath.)
10 more minutes...
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Which soothes the tension, yes, though maybe not all of Sigma's nerves. The hand at Dazai's cheek moves to rest against an arm instead, politely pretending it wasn't there to begin with. ]
We really should be up.
[ Said with what sounds like no real intent to force the issue. ]
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Why?
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Because we need to start the day. Breakfast, hygiene, all that.
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(the toothbrushes and coffee are not going to run away, are they?)
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...Alright, ten minutes. Starting now.
[ Don't mind if he settles back in a little to enjoy this despite the already slightly late start. ]
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(a little yawn as he hides, snuzzling and wrapping arms.)
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