inbox

[nullificates]

code

dazai

osamu

Comments

[ticket218]

[ Don't say that while his head's already swimming, geez. His gaze stays stuck down on the banana slices as if they represent some kind of deep moral conundrum, trying his hardest to sort through it while his thinking's not at 100%.

Finally, a tiny voice comes out, ] ..Stay.

[nullificates]

Eh? Sure, I can stay a bit longer, but you have to eat, alright?! Or else, your brain is going to definitely become jello tomorrow.

(trust him. he sits delicately, not to shake the couch too much, his hand coming to touch the top of sigma's head in a gentle pet, the other bringing the water closer.)

[ticket218]

Stay the night? Please?

[ A hand moves to rest on the wrist holding the water, shy, unsure eyes coming back up to meet Dazai's. Even through the haze he feels guilty asking for something like this. ]

I won't take up too much space.

[nullificates]

(he knows sigma likes him, he's watched as the crush developed, but this isn't about that. the expression he was making at the casino was telling enough - sigma feels lonely, and in a sea of enemies and friends alike, this must be tough after they've been through in mersault. dazai's smile is tranquil, like a wave that comes, crashes, and returns - a nod confirms that he will stay.)

You don't have to worry, you can take up as much space as you'd like. I won't go anywhere.

[ticket218]

[ That smile washes some of the worry away, not all but enough for a smile to sneak out of Sigma in return. ]

Thank you, Dazai.

[ And he'll be taking the water now, careful sips so he can have a moment or two to try and pull himself together after that. This can just be a quiet thing, water and banana slices until they fall asleep. No more, no less. ]

[nullificates]

Do you want to tell me what's on your mind?

(so much for quietness. dazai's not someone who sleeps easy, complete darkness required, the slightest sound from the hallway waking him almost immediately. it's fine to stay awake for as long as sigma would manage to. his hand falls onto the other's back, a caress of encouragement.)

[ticket218]

[ Oh no, that feels nice. He can't help but lean closer, letting his eyes slide shut again both so he can enjoy it and not have to risk looking Dazai in the eye as words start coming out much easier than he'd normally allow. ]

...You and Dostoevsky know each other very well, don't you?

[nullificates]

... Yes. Do you have questions about that one?

(oh, so sig is really going to ask him all the things he has wanted to, but haven't had the guts until now. interesting. with his alcoholic level, it seems like he'll remember it in the morning, too.

he better not ghost dazai afterwards.)

[ticket218]

How long have you known each other?

[ Cautious, curious. If Dazai's going to offer answers Sigma doesn't want to overstep. ]

[nullificates]

Ah? Since I was in the Port Mafia. Around 17 years old, I suppose. Are you wondering how all this came to be?

(it's fine.)

[ticket218]

[ A short, considering pause. It hadn't been part of his original question, but he nods regardless. ]

[nullificates]

Ideology goes a long way. I can't blame him for feeling the way he does towards abilities. I'd be a little off my rails if I were to bear 'Crime & Punishment' too, right?

[ticket218]

...Mm. I think a lot of people would be.

[ Himself included. He doesn't envy the burden of Crime & Punishment, can't even begin to imagine how much of Dostoevsky's...everything could stem from that. ]

[nullificates]

Why is he the topic, though?

(that's not what he wants to ask, is it. dazai saw the pause.)

[ticket218]

[ Shit, caught. ]

He and Gogol have known each other a long time as well. Understand each other very, very deeply. An understanding like you and Chuuya seem to have, from what I've seen of you.

[nullificates]

... Do you feel left out?

[ticket218]

It feels childish.

[nullificates]

But it isn't. Your life is pretty short, after all. We may be like this, but I've known Chuuya for 8 years, Fyodor for 6. These things build with time, you know, so who's to say you're not creating this as we speak?

[ticket218]

Until being here, I wasn't sure I'd get the chance to create it at all.

...and it's still lonely now.

[nullificates]

I know. But you've asked me to stay. Isn't that a little better?

[ticket218]

...Mm. It is.

I like having you around a little more than I should, I think.

[nullificates]

You can have me around. You can ask, you know? Like you did. I'll come spend time with you as long as you want me to.

(oh, sigma. dazai's arm wraps around him so he can find rest, grounding. a place to find support.)

[ticket218]

[ Once again Sigma leans into the touch, seeking that support and warmth. Dazai is good to him, far too good to him, and he feels as if he doesn't do enough to return the favor. What could he possibly do to let Dazai feel just as safe as he does right now...? ]

You are a kind man.

[ Another quiet voice, more to some unknown listener than to Dazai. ]

[nullificates]

On occasion.

(not at his core. not that sigma doesn't know that. dazai and fyodor are not too different, which makes their ordeal even more challenging - he'll kill if he finds no other option. he'll torture if it's the way to save. he'll be who he is, directed, guided. a man who walks the path of light by the shade.

his hands fall into hair, a caress to tell him he doesn't have to feel this lonely.)

[ticket218]

[ There's a significant enough difference that Sigma can't quite put into words, especially not now. Not when someone he trusts is holding him, fingers running through his hair, and the alcohol-induced fatigue from before is refusing to hold itself back any longer. He could fall asleep right here rather comfortably, but maybe a warning would be a small kindness. ]

...M'tired.