[ fyodor doesn't say 'good' and does not say anything in approval--he does not need to, the way he allows his entire body to be fitted against dazai, the way his breath slows. ]
Mm. Unusually so. [ fyodor admits, his hand on dazai's hip and his fingers are curled warmly into that skin. it feels grounding, not just comfortable. ]
[ a nod, then fyodor is slipping a leg between dazai's: warm and coaxing. he's not used to sleeping with someone else, sleeping naked, sleeping like this. ] Will you be able to sleep?
[ the one blessing of their siberian adventures was the darkness that coated them throughout a few months. ]
[ fyodor looks so human in dazai's arms; the glimmers of a creature that is not demon or conjurer, but sleepy and warm. harmless, if only at first glance, and fyodor opens one eye to look at dazai. ]
I only fear it is boring for you.
[ he's doing his own assessment of dazai, committing every feeling and sensation to memory as he nuzzles into the other. after all, it's not like he would do this in public. ]
(it's a bit of a battle to just let fyodor sleep, to be honest. he wants the man to find rest, he does, but that means he risks waking him if he presses his kisses, squeezes softly, or caresses. it'd never be boring, but the control? ah, the control...
a kiss. another kiss. before he knows it, he's moving the man on top of his naked self, arms protecting as much as caressing.)
Voyeur. [ the smile is a flicker in the shadows of the room; mouths meeting warmly— fyodor feels his body moving against dazai's until he's on top of the other--skin and bandages. there's a little of more fire now, as he presses his fingers against dazai's throat, the gesture is gentle.
and then, the line is set. ] Give me your death. [ the sweetly set suggestion, fyodor doesn't mean kill dazai, he means die with him. ]
If you go with me, sure. I don't wish to die alone, you see.
(quite literally. those fingers are inviting, and he tilts his head back as a promise that they should, they would, his throat exposed to every move. fyodor's so naked, so vulnerable, and he's so tiny, even as tall as he is. dazai is having trouble not pressing his body against his.)
Did I say anything to suggest you would die alone? [ fyodor grins, fingers tighten but he doesn't have the strength to do much damage, nor does he intend to because he is far more interested in pressing their bodies close and leaning in to kiss him. it feels good.
he relaxes his fingers in favor of weaving them in dazai's hair. fyodor does stop, long enough to speak exactly what he means: ]
I mean it. You can have sex with anyone as many times but dying, one can only die once. It's a special thing.
(there's warmth in his heart. it's not that difficult to understand - he's suicidal, but he's also a coward. it's not so much that dazai wants to die, it's simply that life is dreary, boring, uninteresting, painful. to go with someone else holding his hand is simply ideal, and he can't not dive into that kiss with that sentiment bleeding through his lips.
his hands move to stop at fyodor's waist, pressing, back to having his lips kiss the other man's neck. he said he wanted to let the other sleep, but his heart is so full.)
[ fyodor's desire for death is different. he has accepted it as a consequences for his actions and choices, he neither wants to die nor to live. deep down he considers himself a tool for something else. if he dies though, it will be due to nikolai's machinations. at least it won't be boring and if he can take dazai with, isn't that almost a perfect death?
also, fyodor is now making some content muffled sounds as he shifts his body over dazai's. ] You would like to finish what we started earlier?
Honestly? I just want to make you climax again, I don't care how.
(because that's how he can show what he feels. that's how he knows - to show is easier than to say, and to watch how fyodor enjoys himself, when he knows better than anyone that fyodor is dilligent, unattached to himself.
it's the biggest thing fyodor could ever give dazai. himself.)
If it's up to me, you'll climax so many times you really will see the face of God.
(a small glimpse of paradise. dazai doesn't truly care how - a rare feat lately is having dazai not think about himself. all he thinks of is the fyodor.)
That is rather romantic of you. [ a huff of quiet laughter and then he's pressing open mouth kisses against sways of skin taking care to avoid where the bandages are, and where they are thickly wound up.
he understands dazai's thoughts, the selfless of them and that is more heartwarming than expected. they had been supposed to sleep, or at least fyodor had but he finds that he wants dazai to keep going. to do whatever it is he wants to do.
(an honest question. a man who thinks so much can have thoughts of altruism on occasion - although, is it truly that altruistic when he's doing it for his own view? to drown in sounds, to watch what fyodor was rather reluctant in letting him see.
there they go, once again flipped, carefully and gently, before his kisses once again attack the fair skin of fyodor's chest.)
In part, but not in a way I can currently explain with words. [ look, dazai what you're doing is making it very hard for fyodor to think or even say anything coherent. a shudder, but he submits to what dazai seeks because it feels good and he--
--he's not sure he's ever been this vulnerable before with anyone. ]
(because he wants nothing distracting fyodor from him, from the way his lips attach to a nipple to nibble, to lick, arms wrapping around the underside of fyodor's knees, simply for comfort.)
[ there is a brief protest that dies on fyodor's lips. intimacy like this does not come easy, even trusting dazai to this extent comes with certain drawbacks. he can't use his ability, he has no knife nearby and he can't do anything but give into what dazai is trying to make him feel, which is good. it's good--he likes it, but how can be return it? with a promise of joint death? is that enough?
fyodor doesn't know what to do with intimacy like this but he trusts that dazai does and that is why he closes his eyes, back arching a little, he feels that hot, wet mouth on his skin and he wants--
(that's what fyodor isn't quite getting, he supposes. dazai is receiving what he wants - fyodor himself, all his noises, his breathing, the way his eyes tear up, how his body arches. these are gifts, these are ways that dazai is taking, taking, taking. a pull of that rosy skin between his lips before he moves to the other, and his hand wraps around fyodor once again to stroke.
what he wants is honesty. often overrated for people like them, but he has it right now, nonetheless.)
[ it will be something that he might understand eventually: the honest of his body cannot be understated, even with others he's not been quite like this, after all. nikolai and himself have a different relationship--their intimacy is fraught with mania, and this is filled with vulnerability.
fyodor appreciates dazai's focus on him, the gentleness. the intimacy and the safety.
those thoughts don't really matter when dazai is set on making him climax again. though fyodor had assumed his body to not be willing to cooperate it seems that he is very wrong. he pants, quiet, and tries to close his legs to pin dazai between them. close as possible. ]
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Sleepy?
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(he'd keep making fy feel as such, but alas, he'd kill him, it seems.)
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[ the one blessing of their siberian adventures was the darkness that coated them throughout a few months. ]
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(he wishes they'd been like this back then. it'd make it better, warmer, easier and harder at the same time.)
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You just want to watch me sleep. [ he accuses, warm. ]
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(holy shit, what a sight. he can't keep his lips from kissing, from pressing.)
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I only fear it is boring for you.
[ he's doing his own assessment of dazai, committing every feeling and sensation to memory as he nuzzles into the other. after all, it's not like he would do this in public. ]
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a kiss. another kiss. before he knows it, he's moving the man on top of his naked self, arms protecting as much as caressing.)
It'd never be so.
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and then, the line is set. ] Give me your death. [ the sweetly set suggestion, fyodor doesn't mean kill dazai, he means die with him. ]
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(quite literally. those fingers are inviting, and he tilts his head back as a promise that they should, they would, his throat exposed to every move. fyodor's so naked, so vulnerable, and he's so tiny, even as tall as he is. dazai is having trouble not pressing his body against his.)
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he relaxes his fingers in favor of weaving them in dazai's hair. fyodor does stop, long enough to speak exactly what he means: ]
I mean it. You can have sex with anyone as many times but dying, one can only die once. It's a special thing.
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his hands move to stop at fyodor's waist, pressing, back to having his lips kiss the other man's neck. he said he wanted to let the other sleep, but his heart is so full.)
tw; suicide ideation, sexual themes
also, fyodor is now making some content muffled sounds as he shifts his body over dazai's. ] You would like to finish what we started earlier?
Re: tw; suicide ideation, sexual themes
(because that's how he can show what he feels. that's how he knows - to show is easier than to say, and to watch how fyodor enjoys himself, when he knows better than anyone that fyodor is dilligent, unattached to himself.
it's the biggest thing fyodor could ever give dazai. himself.)
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Not something easy to achieve. [ yes, he is asking for it. ]
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(a small glimpse of paradise. dazai doesn't truly care how - a rare feat lately is having dazai not think about himself. all he thinks of is the fyodor.)
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he understands dazai's thoughts, the selfless of them and that is more heartwarming than expected. they had been supposed to sleep, or at least fyodor had but he finds that he wants dazai to keep going. to do whatever it is he wants to do.
it can only bring them closer right?]
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(an honest question. a man who thinks so much can have thoughts of altruism on occasion - although, is it truly that altruistic when he's doing it for his own view? to drown in sounds, to watch what fyodor was rather reluctant in letting him see.
there they go, once again flipped, carefully and gently, before his kisses once again attack the fair skin of fyodor's chest.)
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--he's not sure he's ever been this vulnerable before with anyone. ]
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(because he wants nothing distracting fyodor from him, from the way his lips attach to a nipple to nibble, to lick, arms wrapping around the underside of fyodor's knees, simply for comfort.)
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fyodor doesn't know what to do with intimacy like this but he trusts that dazai does and that is why he closes his eyes, back arching a little, he feels that hot, wet mouth on his skin and he wants--
--he wants to give something back. ]
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what he wants is honesty. often overrated for people like them, but he has it right now, nonetheless.)
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fyodor appreciates dazai's focus on him, the gentleness. the intimacy and the safety.
those thoughts don't really matter when dazai is set on making him climax again. though fyodor had assumed his body to not be willing to cooperate it seems that he is very wrong. he pants, quiet, and tries to close his legs to pin dazai between them. close as possible. ]
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