...Besides you being weirdly well behaved for this sulk?
[Chuuya leans against the wall by the door, considering his next actions. He's pissed sure, but he's curious to see what Dazai will do in the next few seconds.]
[Dazai might or might not predict what happens next in response to his words: Mainly that Chuuya opens the door himself, scowling up at him. He's tipsy, he's pissed off, and Dazai is acting Weird. He's only wearing a loose shirt and pants because he's been having his own sulk in their bed, irritated because it feels weird without Dazai there for multiple nights.
Clearly the solution is to reach out, fist one hand in his shirt collar and proceed to drag Dazai inside, slamming him against the wall once he's inside. Chuuya crowds him there, pulling Dazai close enough the warmth of their breath mingles.]
(of course he can predict it. he can hear it from the breathing behind the door that he is absolutely screwed, and he already braces for impact before the door even opens. when he's mad, chuuya has never treated dazai particularly gently, so he knows he might as well get out of this discussion with bruises, a mouth full of blood, and exhausted - he is simply of the mind of returning the favor. once he hits the wall, he gasps for air, his back cushioning but the lack of much muscle makes it worse.
he didn't want to look at chuuya, but here he is, making him do just that. to which, dazai will reply in kind, head tilting to the side so he can avoid the gaze.)
You're such an idiot. Simpleton. Imbecile. Stupid. Don't you even think that if I were that mad that you stopped us, I would have fucked someone else and made you feel it? Since I'm such! An asshole, fufufufu! Ah, I should not have come home, I don't want to look at you!
[It serves Dazai right, if he has bruises. Chuuya doesn't like being played with, not like this, and he's far too drunk to deal with Dazai's stupid games. Dazai tilts his head away and Chuuya reaches up, snatching his chin between his fingers and attempting to force Dazai to look at him.
He was so tired of this fucking around. Did Dazai even realize he'd become the single point of stability in Chuuya's life here?
But the statement gives him pause, at least. His brow furrows, alcohol sodden braincells working slowly.] Wait... you didn't fuck anyone else?
(why does chuuya have to make everything even harder, like it isn't hard by itself. like he isn't mortified. fyodor could taste the hesitance in his lips, the fear, but chuuya had known all along that dazai will panic at the mere resemblance of something real.
losing is suffering, and he isn't one to enjoy that sort of pain. he wants to be let go, so he's struggling to release himself from chuuya's grip while the man's brain works to make sense of what had truly happened.
it's impossible when chuuya's much stronger than him, anyway. a wasted effort.)
Because I didn't want to!! Can you let go of me!! I want to go back to the mountains!!!!
(does he see the issue? please see the issue. don't make dazai say it as he is still struggling to get away.)
You've never had trouble fucking... like, ever. I swear you could have an orgy at the drop of a hat back during your days as an executive.
[It's said with a squint, and he is really too drunk for this conversation, but maybe he's just drunk enough for the logical explanation that presents itself to be voiced, without a kneejerk refusal to believe.]
...Are you saying you didn't want to fuck anyone else?
[Nu uh. Noooo way. That can't be it. Can it?
Chuuya's grip does not slacken. There's confusion in his tone, heavy, a little irritated like he's expecting Dazai to be pulling a fast one.] Why?
(he could, and he has. dazai's lust has always been a little too much, so perhaps all this drunken logic is not helping the fact that dazai just really wants to run. it had been slightly easier with fyodor, because dazai has no issues admitting that he wants that man.
this one, however? a denial that runs deeper than anything else, and he's struggling, hands gripping against the wrist that keeps him in place. why does he have to be so strong, even when his ability isn't helping?)
Because!!! I wanted you and Fyodor!!!!! Ugh, I hate this, I hate this so much, if I had a gun I'd have emptied it on you!!! Or set you on fire!! Or hollowed your heart, because you suck!! If you don't let go of me, I'm going to torture you!!! Really much!!!
What did that mean? Chuuya's face feels hot, and none of that is from the alcohol. Dazai is talking like he bewitched his dick and it is a crime of the highest order, and Chuuya...
There's a muddled up mess of emotions there. Confusion, something fluttery in his chest that he doesn't have a name for, a fair amount of irritation at the threats. Some wry, long-suffering fondness, because of course Dazai is going to react like this.
Chuuya can't wrap his brain around it all. not right now. What he wants to do though?
Is kiss him, and so he does. He drags Dazai in close for a fierce, demanding kiss, trying to get across what he's feeling without words, because words have never works for them. He bites down harshly on Dazai's lip, stealing away any future yelling with teeth and tongue.
And then he's yanking Dazai away from the wall and shoving him down onto their bed roughly.]
Torture me? Oh no, I'm afraid you've got it the wrong way around Dazai.
(it's difficult. looking at this whole situation, as intelligent as he is, is each time more suffocating than the next. dazai's loved chuuya ever since he first laid eyes on him. he has said it once, he will never say it again, but is it possible that chuuya doesn't know himself? dazai's never been particularly great for chuuya, either. betrayals, upon betrayals, upon abandonment, upon breaches, and yet, chuuya chooses to sleep against dazai's chest every day. this is not great, this isn't supposed to be, and dazai has never been wrong with predictions. they're ruined. they've been ruined from the start, and isn't that absolutely mortifying?
co-dependence, as it is. he feels the feelings chuuya does, and god, he has names, and he refuses to allow them to be called as they are. the kiss, breath-taking as it is, demanding as chuuya has always been, confirms what he has always known and had been too much of a coward to see it through. perhaps chuuya himself knows why dazai's gripping so hard against his clothes, but not him perse - fear, even if his lips respond with the same fervor.
the bed is so much more comfortable than anywhere he has been in the past few days, even as roughly as he hits it. he's screwed, he knows - just make him get out of his own head.)
What have I done that you must want to torture me?
[Does Chuuya know himself? Yes and no. He's so much more emotionally intuitive than Dazai is, and yet his lack of experience with such emotions speaks volumes. Chuuya loved deeply and fiercely, but it's another thing altogether to have the ability to parse it all, to have the language to define it. It's in every underestimation of people's care for him, it's in how he gives and gives and never asks for anything in return, it's in how he will gladly bleed himself dry for the things and people he loves.
But Dazai? Dazai makes him want, makes him greedy. He's demanding because he needs this, needs to dig his claws in as deeply as he can, to hold on tight. Dazai has always been an anchor in Chuuya's life, edges a little too sharp but there under his skin, keeping him tethered even at moments when nothing else did.
They're ruined, but Chuuya can't find it in himself to be afraid. Where Dazai runs from potential pain, Chuuya will rush towards it, because it's his.
Alcohol might have loosened Chuuya's lips, but that only makes him more honest, now. When he finally pulls away from the kiss, he's bristling, lips reddened and eyes bright.]
What haven't you done? You're trying to run away, again! Don't you get it? You're the one person I fucking know here, Dazai!! I need you!
[I need you. He has always needed him. And isn't that the worst part? Isn't that the most terrible part of it all? His last words come out a snarl, teeth bared. He's straddled Dazai like a lover, like a hunter.] You don't get to run, asshole.
(that chuuya needs him, it's no news. even at the fundamental basis of their relationship - dazai being the one thing that protects his body from dissipating as 'corruption' takes over, he has always known he's chuuya's lifeline. a humanity link, from someone who barely sees himself as such.
he's being yelled at, and it only makes him yell further. he would never win a battle of muscle against chuuya, but he'll hold his arms against his back to prevent any punching to a man in such a vulnerable position. dazai's never been prey. if anything, he's an opportunistic fox, and he'll strike when time is right.
and it so is.)
I don't get to run because you need me?! You always needed me. Can't you use your stupid brain to figure out what it means by yourself for once?! Why do you keep forcing my hand?! Just understand, already!
It's not about fucking corruption, you asshole!! It never has been!
[Oh, oh, Dazai that is not the tactic you want to take here. Dazai grabs his arms, and Chuuya seethes, leaning closer in spite of his grip, arms burning from pain but expression furious.]
You don't want to fucking get it! You never have!! But this time? You don't get to run because I'll hunt you down.
[And what follows--
Is Chuuya leaning in, his arms burning from the angle and sinking his teeth into Dazai's neck as he tries to twist himself free of Dazai's grip. It's what's closest in this position, but Chuuya's point is: He can hold on, too.]
(he'll dislocate chuuya's arm if the man keeps moving closer, and it won't be his fault - but neither will he let go of the grip he has on the man.)
You're not helping my case!!!!
(the bite, the words. he doesn't want to get it? he's the one who gets it, perhaps too unfortunately, and he winces from the pain.)
I've told you the problem ONCE. You're the one who doesn't want to get it!!!! And if it's not about you breathing, then what is it about? Tell me, show me, surprise me!!!!!
(bait. if he's going to be so fucked up after a possible confession, he wants to drag chuuya under with him. suffer, together, over the ordeal of loving in hatred.)
[Would it stop Chuuya if he did? No, not really. He's pissed off, horny, and a whole slew of other feelings he doesn't want to examine too closely, aching and too tender to touch. It's so much easier to yell, to sink his teeth in, to make sure Dazai can't let go, can't walk away again.]
It's because you're you!! It's always been because you're you, you simpleminded bastard! It's got nothing to do with abilities and everything to do with you being under my skin since the moment we fucking met! It pisses me off!
[It really does piss him off, how much he needs this man. And as if to illustrate how much Dazai pisses him off, Chuuya's knee slides up, briefly brushing between Dazai's legs, before digging harshly into his gut.] Let go of my arms already!!
And you think it doesn't piss me off?! Just die, you should just die already-- OOF.
(his tantrum is cut so short with how that knee sinks into his stomach. he couldn't win against chuuya like this, it was a given something painful his way would come the moment this battle got out of the psychological and into the physical. a lost one, but one he doesn't quite mind losing - he deserves it, after all.
it does work favorably for chuuya, though, because instinct is louder, and his hands press over the hurt. a moment to breathe, second to prepare, and he'll roll them as strongly as he can to the floor, so that chuuya can cushion the impact. hand pin wrists, something he knows that won't do anything for long. the other pulls the bandage out of its tuck, so it unrolls around his neck.
look. this is him, and you shouldn't want him this bad. never has dazai been good for chuuya, he most likely won't start now.)
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[that is a threat and a promise.]
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I DON'T WANNA GO HOME THOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANNA LOOK AT YOUR DOG SNOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Fuckin’ coward!!! if you think i’m a dog what does that make you huh?!?!
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... I sort of don't really want to see you, though, so!! Can you move out in 5 minutes?!
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... I don't want to. Didn't you notice anything weird?
(like the fact that dazai didn't actually commit very blatant revenge?)
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[Chuuya leans against the wall by the door, considering his next actions. He's pissed sure, but he's curious to see what Dazai will do in the next few seconds.]
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(he's also pissed that chuuya's DENSE, why must you be STOOPID?)
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Clearly the solution is to reach out, fist one hand in his shirt collar and proceed to drag Dazai inside, slamming him against the wall once he's inside. Chuuya crowds him there, pulling Dazai close enough the warmth of their breath mingles.]
You are such a fucking asshole.
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he didn't want to look at chuuya, but here he is, making him do just that. to which, dazai will reply in kind, head tilting to the side so he can avoid the gaze.)
You're such an idiot. Simpleton. Imbecile. Stupid. Don't you even think that if I were that mad that you stopped us, I would have fucked someone else and made you feel it? Since I'm such! An asshole, fufufufu! Ah, I should not have come home, I don't want to look at you!
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He was so tired of this fucking around. Did Dazai even realize he'd become the single point of stability in Chuuya's life here?
But the statement gives him pause, at least. His brow furrows, alcohol sodden braincells working slowly.] Wait... you didn't fuck anyone else?
[That's.... odd.] Why not?
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losing is suffering, and he isn't one to enjoy that sort of pain. he wants to be let go, so he's struggling to release himself from chuuya's grip while the man's brain works to make sense of what had truly happened.
it's impossible when chuuya's much stronger than him, anyway. a wasted effort.)
Because I didn't want to!! Can you let go of me!! I want to go back to the mountains!!!!
(does he see the issue? please see the issue. don't make dazai say it as he is still struggling to get away.)
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[It's said with a squint, and he is really too drunk for this conversation, but maybe he's just drunk enough for the logical explanation that presents itself to be voiced, without a kneejerk refusal to believe.]
...Are you saying you didn't want to fuck anyone else?
[Nu uh. Noooo way. That can't be it. Can it?
Chuuya's grip does not slacken. There's confusion in his tone, heavy, a little irritated like he's expecting Dazai to be pulling a fast one.] Why?
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this one, however? a denial that runs deeper than anything else, and he's struggling, hands gripping against the wrist that keeps him in place. why does he have to be so strong, even when his ability isn't helping?)
Because!!! I wanted you and Fyodor!!!!! Ugh, I hate this, I hate this so much, if I had a gun I'd have emptied it on you!!! Or set you on fire!! Or hollowed your heart, because you suck!! If you don't let go of me, I'm going to torture you!!! Really much!!!
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What did that mean? Chuuya's face feels hot, and none of that is from the alcohol. Dazai is talking like he bewitched his dick and it is a crime of the highest order, and Chuuya...
There's a muddled up mess of emotions there. Confusion, something fluttery in his chest that he doesn't have a name for, a fair amount of irritation at the threats. Some wry, long-suffering fondness, because of course Dazai is going to react like this.
Chuuya can't wrap his brain around it all. not right now. What he wants to do though?
Is kiss him, and so he does. He drags Dazai in close for a fierce, demanding kiss, trying to get across what he's feeling without words, because words have never works for them. He bites down harshly on Dazai's lip, stealing away any future yelling with teeth and tongue.
And then he's yanking Dazai away from the wall and shoving him down onto their bed roughly.]
Torture me? Oh no, I'm afraid you've got it the wrong way around Dazai.
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co-dependence, as it is. he feels the feelings chuuya does, and god, he has names, and he refuses to allow them to be called as they are. the kiss, breath-taking as it is, demanding as chuuya has always been, confirms what he has always known and had been too much of a coward to see it through. perhaps chuuya himself knows why dazai's gripping so hard against his clothes, but not him perse - fear, even if his lips respond with the same fervor.
the bed is so much more comfortable than anywhere he has been in the past few days, even as roughly as he hits it. he's screwed, he knows - just make him get out of his own head.)
What have I done that you must want to torture me?
(aside from all the atrocities.)
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But Dazai? Dazai makes him want, makes him greedy. He's demanding because he needs this, needs to dig his claws in as deeply as he can, to hold on tight. Dazai has always been an anchor in Chuuya's life, edges a little too sharp but there under his skin, keeping him tethered even at moments when nothing else did.
They're ruined, but Chuuya can't find it in himself to be afraid. Where Dazai runs from potential pain, Chuuya will rush towards it, because it's his.
Alcohol might have loosened Chuuya's lips, but that only makes him more honest, now. When he finally pulls away from the kiss, he's bristling, lips reddened and eyes bright.]
What haven't you done? You're trying to run away, again! Don't you get it? You're the one person I fucking know here, Dazai!! I need you!
[I need you. He has always needed him. And isn't that the worst part? Isn't that the most terrible part of it all? His last words come out a snarl, teeth bared. He's straddled Dazai like a lover, like a hunter.] You don't get to run, asshole.
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he's being yelled at, and it only makes him yell further. he would never win a battle of muscle against chuuya, but he'll hold his arms against his back to prevent any punching to a man in such a vulnerable position. dazai's never been prey. if anything, he's an opportunistic fox, and he'll strike when time is right.
and it so is.)
I don't get to run because you need me?! You always needed me. Can't you use your stupid brain to figure out what it means by yourself for once?! Why do you keep forcing my hand?! Just understand, already!
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[Oh, oh, Dazai that is not the tactic you want to take here. Dazai grabs his arms, and Chuuya seethes, leaning closer in spite of his grip, arms burning from pain but expression furious.]
You don't want to fucking get it! You never have!! But this time? You don't get to run because I'll hunt you down.
[And what follows--
Is Chuuya leaning in, his arms burning from the angle and sinking his teeth into Dazai's neck as he tries to twist himself free of Dazai's grip. It's what's closest in this position, but Chuuya's point is: He can hold on, too.]
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You're not helping my case!!!!
(the bite, the words. he doesn't want to get it? he's the one who gets it, perhaps too unfortunately, and he winces from the pain.)
I've told you the problem ONCE. You're the one who doesn't want to get it!!!! And if it's not about you breathing, then what is it about? Tell me, show me, surprise me!!!!!
(bait. if he's going to be so fucked up after a possible confession, he wants to drag chuuya under with him. suffer, together, over the ordeal of loving in hatred.)
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It's because you're you!! It's always been because you're you, you simpleminded bastard! It's got nothing to do with abilities and everything to do with you being under my skin since the moment we fucking met! It pisses me off!
[It really does piss him off, how much he needs this man. And as if to illustrate how much Dazai pisses him off, Chuuya's knee slides up, briefly brushing between Dazai's legs, before digging harshly into his gut.] Let go of my arms already!!
cw self-harm scars
(his tantrum is cut so short with how that knee sinks into his stomach. he couldn't win against chuuya like this, it was a given something painful his way would come the moment this battle got out of the psychological and into the physical. a lost one, but one he doesn't quite mind losing - he deserves it, after all.
it does work favorably for chuuya, though, because instinct is louder, and his hands press over the hurt. a moment to breathe, second to prepare, and he'll roll them as strongly as he can to the floor, so that chuuya can cushion the impact. hand pin wrists, something he knows that won't do anything for long. the other pulls the bandage out of its tuck, so it unrolls around his neck.
look. this is him, and you shouldn't want him this bad. never has dazai been good for chuuya, he most likely won't start now.)
I hate you so much it's unbearable.
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