You are being kind. Every word, every gesture since I arrived here. [ they had been trying to kill each other before, not out of hate but out of necessity to win and save the world, or lose and destroy it. ]
[ fyodor freezes, tensing briefly before relaxing. ] You're not, no but I do not find fault in this. Different sides of a war, and I have tried to kill you, plenty of times before even the game began.
[ because lying to dazai was pointless. ] I just don't know what to do with this kindness. [ how to feel it or return it if he were inclined to. ] But I am not opposed to letting it exist between us.
All things in this world need to find balance, Dazai. You think I don't know the cost of what I'm inflicting back home? What is the cost of this kindness? This intimacy.
[ fyodor scoffs. ] You can try but I promise to return the gesture when you're better.
No, Dazai, that is not true for me. By that measure then the me who was here before is gone entirely, and whatever promises you extracted from him become void.
[ he's not a whimsical individual with his emotions, muted as they are. when he makes a vow it is a forever not until death do part, but until the universe folds in itself and ceases entirely. ]
(no, for a gazillion reasons, and dazai just wants to point at his legs as his most obvious reason for denial. instead, he'll take the opportunity to simply close their distance with his lips.
the kiss he gives fyodor is not unlike the one dazai had given him before. it's slow, gentle, but there's a little bit more fire in the way he slides in tongue, the way his hand sets on the man's neck. a pull of his lip, a desire to feel the same flame as he goes.)
[ listen, fyodor is FAIRLY sure they could find a workaround the leg issue at least because that's surely just logistics and—
something warm and wet is against his mouth, and he has no right really to say anything when he had kissed dazai first at the bridge. it had been an experiment and this is the payback for it, isn't it? all things in this world should find balance.
but, fyodor is fast at learning even if his mind blanks for a moment when he feels more. he relaxes bit by bit, gently coaxing and parting his mouth, reaching back.
there is genuine, irrational, reverence when his thumb skims along dazai's collarbone. his touches in return are measured, small, and careful. ]
(moving around too much isn't good for him, so there are some bits and pieces tof him that puncture and ache when he comes closer, teaching as much as he is enjoying it.
meeting of tongues, breathing that he can feel on his cheek. he must distance himself, because as impatient ad the other is, it's not a good idea to rush when fyodor barely understands intimacy and desire.
this is a start. once he ceases the kiss, another comes. a punctuation that tells him - not yet.)
[ he chases a little after dazai's mouth despite that punctuation that says not yet. fyodor pauses, considers then presses a kiss against the corner of dazai's eye, then another along the curve of his jaw before pulling back.
what he understands is that emotions are involved here, intimacy too. but he isn't entirely sure of how those should feel for himself, he can mimic acts of intimacy but dazai would know the deception right away. and then, still even more complicated is that irrational fear that this fills him with.
he has to dissect this, pry it apart and understand it. ]
(if fyodor could read his mind. it's chatter from every side- you shouldn't because you want this. you just lost it. kiss him again. leave. don't care for the sweet kisses that speak when they won't. those are the right ways, but dazai himself has said it before.
he's a man hated by the right way. he can't help but to capture his lips again.)
[ the response is a little quicker now that fyodor has an idea of what this entails, though this time around he's more considerate and leans closer to keep dazai from having to move too much and potentially upset his injuries.
he isn't exactly good at it, but he is learning to fit their mouths together in what seems to feel good. fyodor is not soft but when he breaks for air, there is a quiet huff of laughter. ] Is this what kissing men plural teach you?
(of course fyodor learns fast - nothing he was ever worried about it. it tastes of him, smells of him, he feels flesh and skin. he doesn't need to know how to kiss to perfection.
it's simply being himself that dazai wants. it has dazai kissing on the man's cheek, jaw and then a peck to his lips as a 'see you soon'.)
[ he finds the admission a little less annoying than last time. ] Harlot. [ said lightly, but he understands the kiss for what it means, and is glad for the dismissal. that was not bad but it certainly was more than what he can parse through with ease.
his footsteps are quiet as he paces towards the door only stopping to throw back a reminder:]
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Are you saying I'm not always gentle with you?
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(as if fyodor's every micro expressions weren't easily seen by dazai's eyes.)
Did you hate it?
(the kiss he just gave.)
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[ because lying to dazai was pointless. ] I just don't know what to do with this kindness. [ how to feel it or return it if he were inclined to. ] But I am not opposed to letting it exist between us.
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(he didn't know himself a long, long time ago.)
I can stab you a little as a treat?
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[ fyodor scoffs. ] You can try but I promise to return the gesture when you're better.
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(a moment to look around, as if he was looking for something sharp.
there's nothing sharper than his mouth. a little bite to the hand, as a treat.)
Ah, much less work like this!
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Do not take it lightly, even if we don't remember this it wouldn't make it less real. Would it?
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The same way thoughts and feelings are, after all, do they not only exist for us?
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[ he's not a whimsical individual with his emotions, muted as they are. when he makes a vow it is a forever not until death do part, but until the universe folds in itself and ceases entirely. ]
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(is this seduction? is it him attempting to bring something from fyodor's own soul? is it a reach for the intimacy they couldn't have as of late?)
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[ it's funny how dazai always seems to disarm some of fyodor's worst tendencies with ease. ]
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(there's nothing that can be done, nothing that they can do to understand something neither do, that perhaps can't be understood.)
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Well, then, shouldn't we get on with it?
[ no, fyodor that's not how it works! ]
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the kiss he gives fyodor is not unlike the one dazai had given him before. it's slow, gentle, but there's a little bit more fire in the way he slides in tongue, the way his hand sets on the man's neck. a pull of his lip, a desire to feel the same flame as he goes.)
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something warm and wet is against his mouth, and he has no right really to say anything when he had kissed dazai first at the bridge. it had been an experiment and this is the payback for it, isn't it? all things in this world should find balance.
but, fyodor is fast at learning even if his mind blanks for a moment when he feels more. he relaxes bit by bit, gently coaxing and parting his mouth, reaching back.
there is genuine, irrational, reverence when his thumb skims along dazai's collarbone. his touches in return are measured, small, and careful. ]
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meeting of tongues, breathing that he can feel on his cheek. he must distance himself, because as impatient ad the other is, it's not a good idea to rush when fyodor barely understands intimacy and desire.
this is a start. once he ceases the kiss, another comes. a punctuation that tells him - not yet.)
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what he understands is that emotions are involved here, intimacy too. but he isn't entirely sure of how those should feel for himself, he can mimic acts of intimacy but dazai would know the deception right away. and then, still even more complicated is that irrational fear that this fills him with.
he has to dissect this, pry it apart and understand it. ]
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he's a man hated by the right way. he can't help but to capture his lips again.)
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he isn't exactly good at it, but he is learning to fit their mouths together in what seems to feel good. fyodor is not soft but when he breaks for air, there is a quiet huff of laughter. ] Is this what kissing men plural teach you?
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(of course fyodor learns fast - nothing he was ever worried about it. it tastes of him, smells of him, he feels flesh and skin. he doesn't need to know how to kiss to perfection.
it's simply being himself that dazai wants. it has dazai kissing on the man's cheek, jaw and then a peck to his lips as a 'see you soon'.)
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his footsteps are quiet as he paces towards the door only stopping to throw back a reminder:]
Don't forget to eat your cake.