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[nullificates]

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dazai

osamu

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[nullificates]

your three-year-old is doing fine, that matters more than my legs, don't you think?

are you putting your rat hands somewhere i wouldn't like?

(WORDING!!!!!!)

[fatalism]

[ his three-year old who wanted to join the agency. his three-year old who was no longer his and couldn't be bended as fyodor liked with words; his three-year old that had informed fyodor that dazai had paid a price and he intended to honor that deal; his three-year old who pointed a gun and shot him, who would kill him because dazai had won their battle of wits.

fyodor is glad he's not in front of dazai because then the urge to strangle him would be too strong to resist. ]

not just your legs though, i'm pretty sure ribs and possibly an arm...oh and your hips, are they doing well?

who is to say? where do you think my rat hands should stay out of?

[nullificates]

why don't you come see for yourself? ah, bring a book, too. keep me company, drowning olympics rival!

ah, maybe anyone who isn't me.

(whatever the fuck that means. crime and punishment? romance????)

[fatalism]

why? is it true my cello is here?

[ he's not promising he'll sing but play? fyodor missed playing and if words are to be trusted then it may truly be his cello. ]

i have no desire to contest your unrivaled title of whore of babylon

[ he took it as That first, then decided that it was Stupid ] i have more self restraint than to indiscriminately use crime and punishment. i didn't touch your partner. nor my clown. nor anyone else marginally related to you. [ not that he knows who those are, he's just fishing ]

[nullificates]

it is. you used to play it in your room often, it was quite a melody.

wow. WOW. how rude of a man who had kissed me.

you're the one who is putting that forward. i'm simply flirting, you see.

[fatalism]

the room i was sharing with gogol.

[ cringe, cringe, he can't see that going well ]

a fake kiss for a man who kisses men plural.

chuuya-san had issues with corruption before i arrived, is that not correct? on the basis of that premise, touching anyone-were i even inclined to-presents a potential problem.

[ ignore the fact he touched chuuya and gogol casually. he's not admitting to those acts of curiousity ]

[nullificates]

ah, felt awfully real to me. isn't the individuality of perspective a wonderful thing?

not the same by a million. i see no mindcontrolling giant! ah, and it's me. i managed to stop everyone with just a itty bitty touch.

[fatalism]

no, it's not wonderful it sucks. [ and he sounds utterly petulant about it. had he known it would get him in so much trouble, he would've avoided it-at least now it's way too late to deny it completely. it's embarrassing because he's certain dazai is good at kissing, except fyodor hadn't felt anything but baffled. ]

while i cannot level cities with my ability, i would not enjoy being in a crowd without control. and neither would you enjoy the aftermath.

your terrible ego.

[nullificates]

to you. all i can think about is that i've been so nicely kissed.

are you refusing to hold hands with me in a crowd, dosto?

[fatalism]

that cannot have been a nice kiss. [ is he disappointed he felt nothing? maybe. did he expect to? yes. but he cannot control his emotions like he can control his rational side. and none of this had been dazai's fault, fyodor had impulsively put his mouth on him and so as petulant as he feels, he can't be mad at dazai. not about this anyway.

he's not going to feed dazai's ego by agreeing that, as far as mechanics go, dazai is good at kissing. fyodor thinks. ]

it's not necessary as there are no...mind controlling things you said?

[nullificates]

it was to me. does it bother you?

weren't you the one saying there could be? oh noooo, we must take precautions. quick, hold me.

1/2

[fatalism]

no, not really.

i just don't understand why but like you see the wonders of individual perspective and all. who am i to convince you otherwise?

2/2

[fatalism]

what no, that's unnecessary. don't you have broken legs and whatnot.

[nullificates]

wonderful, so you kissed me vigorously, your first kiss is mine, eteceteras.

yes, even more reason to be held?

[fatalism]

it wasn't a vigorous kiss but i suppose we can say it was my first.

no. i cant play my cello and indulge your touching fetish.

[nullificates]

i'm so honored!

can you indulge at least one?

[fatalism]

no need for sarcasm. it wasn't my ideal first kiss scenario but needs must and now i know.

in exchange for something, yes, i will play for you.

[nullificates]

i'm not being sarcastic. must you truly believe everything is bad?

what is it you want?

[fatalism]

that's the way of the world, dazai. it's bad, it's foolish.

to not be in the dark.

[ whatever the fuck that means lol ]

[nullificates]

i can't disagree with you there.

in the dark? is it information you want?

[fatalism]

then you know why i think nothing kind of said kiss. it was a foolish impulse to test something irrelevant.

yes.

[nullificates]

you can think nothing of it, but when you were here, it took me so long for you to even let me touch you, so i am counting it as a win.

then come ask me. i'm tired of this stupid charm.

[fatalism]

dazai...

[ it's almost a sigh, but then nothing else is forthcoming. only a sort of melancholic silence.

he doesn't think of it as a win, and dazai would understand why if he extrapolated and explained but fyodor supposes it ultimately doesn't matter because he has no intentions of letting dazai touch him again.

the fact the other even wants to is enough to make him feel unsettled. his strongest defense is crime and punishment and to give that up for mere touch.

but fyodor is a man of his word, and so roughly quarter of an hour later there is a knock at dazai's door before the handle twists and fyodor appears. ]

[nullificates]

(painkillers are what fill the space of time between the last disappointed message and the appearance of fyodor in his room. it's a little true, what he had said. unlike fyodor, dazai lies, his tongue silver and smart - it's not a win if it didn't have all that they had built beforehand pressed against him, but it is a win that now he knows how it feels like.

unfortunately, that does nothing for his emotions. he's bad at handling them when he's healthy, worse when his mind is clouded by the pain of that accident. either way, he sighs, waving a hand enthusiastically at the other.)

Come in, come in!

tw; suicide ideation, threats of violence

[fatalism]

[ if memories make up the sum of a person, what time he spent here and has now forgotten plays a bearing into all his interactions now. however, he doesn't have time to puzzle those, his own emotions have never been confusing for fyodor: they're soft, velvety and sleepy, muted. ]

Ah, you really are a wreck. [ he doesn't look remotely sorry but there is a note of nostalgia present. whether chuuya killed dazai and then sigma killed fyodor— two murders, not a double suicide. would that suffice? ]

I brought you fruit. [ he got a basket of apples. because, he's polite, even if he had come to murder dazai he would've been so polite about it. ]